The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, December 30, 2013

I Can't Write A Song For You

I really want this entire post to be just pictures. Because I'm tired of writing. But why am I tired of writing when I barely even wrote anything today other than a quarter of the previous post? God. I don't know. This is Christmas.

I was supposed to leave the house to go to Glenmarie for my medical checkup (I need a form filled out for school - it included a urine test, something I've never done before, so I was freaking out about it on Twitter the previous day) at ten in the morning, but that was the time I woke up. So we left the house near eleven. My mom was very convincing when she assured me that the whole thing would only take an hour tops but when we got there, there were more people than expected. The current number was 29. We took a number and ours was 51. The doctor behind the desk said that it could take up to two hours. So that was two hours. Of not doing anything. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't stand being late to something. I promised my friends I'd be picking them all up around eleven and by two, everyone was calling and tweeting me. I stopped answering at one point and just started to, sort of, cry. My mom wasn't very happy with my 'attitude' but she doesn't understand the crippling and choking fear of being late to things. Time, to her, is meaningless. But she got us all off to Gardens eventually. Intan and Afreena had left ages ago, which begs the question of why whoever sent them to Gardens couldn't have just picked up Hanna, Nisa and Raihan as well. We had to stop by Afreena's house to drop off all our overnight bags. It was only then that Nisa told me it was going to be a two-day sleepover. First night at Afreena's, second at Hanna's. Or at least that was the plan.

It was almost three when we were in the car on the way to Gardens. Or maybe it was past three. Even if we weren't in a time crunch, my mom probably would have used the emergency lane anyways (I have no idea why there was a massive bumper-to-bumper traffic jam going on at that hour, but there you go). We got pulled over by some cops but my mom used her feminine wiles to get us out of a ticket. She was apparently distracted by Raihan telling us all a story about some junior at her school who jumped off a building (or was pushed off?) to notice that there were police right in front of us. We got there in one piece anyways, and I apologized to my mom for being such a headcase about the whole being late thing.

We speed-walked to RedBox, where Intan and Afreena were already there. Found out that Intan was sick, but she sang along to just about every song like the rest of us. Afreena took off her cardigan and whipped it around her head at one point. The highlight was definitely us singing The Fox and jumping on furniture like a bunch of loons. At the end, there was massive confusion on which song to sing as the last one. We don't work well under pressure. I don't remember what was the last song we sang together, but I do remember it being lame.

When we left RedBox, everyone else but Intan was speed-walking ahead and I felt bad to leave her hanging a few paces behind so I ended up walking slowly and leisurely with her until we got to Megamall. We lost the rest at one point but Intan was nice enough to buy me gellato (I was out of money - this happens a lot, doesn't it?) and Raihan got me a hat as a buy-one-free-one for her own. Everyone had hats. Hanna took the nicest one and Nisa searched the whole entire floor in vain for something as nice as hers. She ended up buying the same thing as Hanna. Well, actually, Afreena's hat was pretty nice, too. She splurged a little and got one of the more expensive ones. We went home a bit after that. Intan was prickly towards everyone (but me, I'm happy to report! Well, and Afreena and Raihan, but it's kind of hard to be mad at them for anything?) because she wasn't feeling well and Nisa, Hanna and maybe some other people called her the Grinch who stole Christmas. I'd be pissed off, too. On the ride to Afreena's, Nisa, Hanna and I couldn't stop laughing over one thing or another. Mostly it was Nisa and her ridiculous obsession with her Christmas headband.

We've become crazy selfie bitches.

We got to Afreena's and got started on Christmas-fying the place. We hung the decorations around and stuck stickers on the wall and put the ugly, small, glittery fake tree I got for a dollar on Afreena's bed post. Funny how we never actually utilized the decorated space for any picture taking, nor did the decor really do anything to set the night on the right path. We had Christmas music on and a lot of plans, but ended up just lazing around, doing nothing. At one point, we went downstairs and had hot cocoa, which was very holiday appropriate, only we passed around a bag of Doritos. I told everyone I was a communist and the room went silent. Nisa said, "Seriously?" and I countered with a, do you even know anything about communism. Afreena had a look on her face, and I asked her what it was, and she told me she just needed to poop.

The food arrived while I was in the shower. I was the first to clean up and change into my Christmas themed pajamas (in my case, my shirt literally had 'Merry Christmas' written on it). I don't know what we talked about during dinner, or all the moments afterwards and in between, but it was nice. We finally settled on the floor, a big heap of us, watching High School Musical. There was this, uh, plastic squeezy toy in the same of a boob. Some kind of stress ball thing. We've all played with it before and it usually gets passed around a lot. So there we were, watching High School Musical and singing along occasionally. The boob was in my possession and I don't think I was being any rougher with it than anyone else. We pretty much squeeze, prod, pull and maul that thing every time its in our hands. But somehow it. Burst. In my hand. Water sprayed out. Some got onto me, of course, but most of it landed on Hanna, who was lying on the pillow she had placed on her legs a few minutes before when she told me how nice it was of me to offer my leg for her to lie on. Well. Why do these things always happen to me?

The mood was ruined. We had to turn on the lights again and clean up the mess. Afreena lent me a pair of leggings. Someone put on Love Actually but no one was really watching except for maybe Intan and Raihan. Intan, Hanna, Nisa and I started talking about, well, stuff, with Raihan and Afreena occasionally interjecting but for the most part, they were watching some videos of KPop stars or something on Afreena's iPad. There was a lull in conversation where I stepped in and asked everyone how they were going to raise and educate their children, specifically about religious matters, and Afreena replied with, "I'll buy them DVDs."

Afreena bought this onesie that we all (well, Hanna and I) tried on. Gosh darn.

In the morning, we were woken up by Raihan. Hanna was particularly disgruntled by this because she was woken up from a dream where she and Harry Styles were about to potentially, maybe, eventually date. Morning was even more uneventful than the night before. Afreena actually studied. Intan and Raihan left early but they managed to leave behind quiet a number of their possessions. We had breakfast late and sat around talking and Nisa got introduced to Fun Run. Hanna and I legitimately looked like twins, considering we were both wearing red and she was wearing the leggings Afreena (her Secret Santa) had given her and I was wearing the leggings Afreena had very graciously lent to me after I spilled boobs juice all over her comforter. So there were a lot of pictures of me and Hanna.


So it was just Nisa and I for Hanna's that night. Since I hadn't prepared for a two-nights thing, I ended up borrowing a t-shirt from Hanna. We ate a lot and slept a lot. But mostly, we watched the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, which I introduced them to and Hanna got hooked immediately. We got something like 90 episodes in by 4 in the morning and fell asleep soon after. Luckily, we had pre-ordered our McDonald's breakfast, so we ate that while watching the last ten episodes. After that, my mom brought my car around and I drove Nisa home. It was the first time I've actually driven well, or at least I thought I did. My mom (or my dad for that matter) aren't the type to mete out compliments or praises, so you can see why I suffer from terrible self-esteem.

I'm totally joking. I had to build my confidence from the ground up with zero help from my family or friends. It's all 100% natural me. And I had a great Christmas, despite the slight hiccup (the boob thing). It definitely beats last year's Christmas, which I don't even remember. 

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