The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

muscle to muscle and toe to toe

everyone's right of course, i need to move on. but i can't go back.

i'm sure a lot of people don't believe this but a lot of things, i can do, i just don't want to. so i can. of course i can go back to school and 'start again'. of course i am able to do that, physically, hell mentally. but i don't want to. of course i can do housework or chores or clean my room or prepare food for myself and heck i've done that a lot over the years if i needed to but i don't want to because i don't need to. people think i have this inability to adapt but no, that's not it, i am just for lack of better words a lazy ass.

school is not for everyone. i should've realized that before i let it get this far.

anger, pride, jealousy, fear; people have thrown away their lives for much less.

and sometimes?

it's the bully who runs away too.

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