The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

it's a champagne year full of sober months

i want the ease of bottle-shopping and going into baby clothes stores with hanna
i want the warmth of sleeping with my head in his lap with maze
i want the ignorance of doing and recording the single ladies dance with nisa
i want the devotion of name-tag swapping with pri
i want the trust of no-barriers, everything-goes secret sharing with nadiah
i want the simplicity of american idol and the oc discussions with raihan
i want the mindlessness of adam lambert with lana
i want the uselessness of friendship with nadia
i want the obsession of late-night sex talk and idiocy with people on tumblr
i want the safety of being intan's friend
i want the serenity of the final day i had with kai

all of these things happened at one point or another and they just went by sort of unappreciated and now that they're gone, it's different. they happened. but not all at once.

caring is not an advantage.

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