The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Here Comes the Sun

Here's what's going to happen. You will literally never hear from me again.

Now that sounds a bit drastic. A teeny tiny bit melodramatic. But I'm afraid it's what's up. So this is the last post, ever, on Psychotic Justice and for that, I apologize. Everything has its beginnings, and everything that ever began must soon come to an end, and it ends, well, now, regretfully.

When I started this blog, I was a horrible writer. I could write stories, but I couldn't talk about my life in a way that was interesting, and thus, I became just like every other girl out there with a poorly-written blog. Over time, I'd like to think I've learned how to differentiate myself from other people and their style of writing by creating signatures of my own, ones that have been continuous works in progress, and some that have even been imitated by others. Unfortunately, over time, I've lost the magic, the spark, the attraction I felt towards writing actual stories, creating worlds of my own and populating it with characters from my own head. It's okay. I make up for it by reading a lot and filling in the recesses of my imagination with works by other people, and that is neither good nor bad. It, just like most things, just is.

This blog has caused me tons of problems in the past and I have gotten past most of it. Some things you just can't leave in the past, and it will trail you and follow you until you decide to face it up front and surrender. So for right now, and probably for future times, my problems and non-problems will be mine to handle and go through, not this blog's.

It'll still be up, though. And I'm not going to make it private because there is no need. If there was damage to be borne from it, or whatever's said, it's done. If there were any nods or acclaims to be given, it's already been done. Admittedly, I've made friends with people through this blog, and even though it seemed unlikely at first, I did gradually grow to receive regular, almost weekly emails from readers who I was more than happy to correspond with.

I'll still write about my day, but in a more private setting. And if this is running away, if this is blending in or toning down my 'me' for the sake of someone else, then that would just have to be part of my character and my personality, and frankly none of your business. If this is growing up, it's still none of your business. All I know is that everything that ever was or ever will be on this blog, is none of your business, even if it involves you. And that will remain as a fact until the end of time.

We've come full circle. It's time to start another one.

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