The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

(And Finally) We Learn Our Own Lessons

This post will be up for two weeks or so, at least until the start of the new term. I'll make another post explaining the changes that are on their way, but for now, I have some things I need to say.
Like how, we all get second chances, but never third ones. Like how sometimes, the two-faced monster is kinder. Like how, I can't preach the rights of certain minority groups without learning to accept my friends first. Like, sacrifice.
Thank you.
Thank you, Zaza, for treating me like a human being.
Thank you, Khairina, for teaching me that there are always several sides to a story.
Thank you, prefects, for teaching me the meaning of responsibility and conditioning me to do things I don't want to do without second thought.
Thank you, Glee, for making me grow up.
Thank you, Elaine and Wendy, for teaching me that sugarcoating is just another aspect of love.
Thank you, Nadiah, for teaching me that there's no clear line between second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth chances.
Thank you, Chris Colfer, for showing me that it gets better and I'll grow up.
Thank you, the rest of the Form 4 prefects, for teaching me that it's not hard to be a part of something, but it is hard to accept peoples' differences.
Thank you, Divyia, for teaching me that I can live under the shadows of people's pity.
Thank you, Xueh Wei, for making me realize that there's good in the world but most of it's justin you.
Thank you, Helena, for pushing me to be the best person I can be, even though it's still a work in progress.
Thank you, Elizah, for teaching me the meaning of every rose has its thorn.
Thank you, Harry Potter, for teaching me that the loss of innocence is never a good thing.
Thank you, Shu Wen, Dan, Danzo and Karen, for being the parchment to my ink.
Thank you, Hafriz, for making me realize that family matters, and there's no point in denying that fact.
Thank you, Julie and Aleela, for teaching me the meaning of freedom, from every angle possible.
Thank you, Debbie, for acknowledging the fact that we changed each other for the better.
Thank you, Elia, for teaching me that the difference between right and wrong is in the eyes of the doer.
Thank you, Kai, for teaching me that there is no limits to acceptance.
Thank you, Pri, for being the best, kindest person I have ever known.
Thank you, Maze, for being accomodating.
Thank you, Syaz, for not pushing me to do what I needed to do in order to teach me a lesson.
Thank you, Ungku, for giving me the friendship that other people have before I changed too much to really have anything like that.
Thank you, Lana, for teaching me that silence is never a sign of weakness.
Thank you, Brittany, for teaching me that I didn't have to live somewhere like the US to be a true fan.
Thank you, Ellie, for always giving me the encouragement I need, but never going over the top to accomodate me.
Thank you, all my Tumblr friends, for giving comfort and bringing joy to the life of someone you've never even met (well, I've met some of you).
Thank you, Hanna, and whatever happens from now on, happens.
Thank you, Nisa, the two-faced monster who was always kinder.
Thank you, Afreena, for being my first victim but never holding it against me.
Thank you, Raihan, for showing me that being yourself doesn't mean being by yourself.
Thank you, Intan, for teaching me that you have to be careful when you idolize someone.
Thank you, all the guys I was friends with in Standard 5, for accepting my bullshit for a year and then defending yourselves because you guys deserved better.
Thank you, Sasha and Hanisha, for teaching me that you can't buy friendship.
Thank you, Serena, for teaching me what it meant to be blunt, and the consequences borne of it.
Thank you, Iylia, for proving that being selfish doesn't mean you're a bad person.
Thank you, Farhana, because of you, I am here right now. And it's not a good place, and it's not a bad place. But it's a place from which I'm willing to work at.
Thank you, Aqilah, for teaching me that loyalty lies in the silence of not arguing back.
Thank you, Aimran and Sabrina, for teaching me that just because other people have forgotten, doesn't mean you did.
Thank you, Fluffy, for being the only constant in my life.
Thank you, to my sister, for teaching me that some things are better left unsaid.
Thank you, to my parents, my brothers, my extended family members, for teaching me about what it means to be a family, through not really acting like a family at all.
Thank you, God, for giving me all of these things at one point or another, and for making me learn that there is always a price you have to pay for doing anything at all.
Thank you, life, for teaching me that there is no such thing as sacrifice other than the sacrifices you make to yourself.

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