The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Thinking & Philosophizing

So listen up, you guys. I feel like I've been shirking my duties. Actually, I know I have. I've had a lot of things that I had to work through, personally, emotionally, all those boring stuff. I am sick and tired of the word adversity and if I could, I'd just rather curl up in my bed and become a hermit, thanks. Cons of becoming a hermit? None so far, I've been thinking. I'll look into that.

I hate this. I don't want to come off as nonchalant or callous or whatever, really. Hel says I'm in denial and I should just get the angry phase over and done with. I'll do that tomorrow. At the same time, I don't really want to joke around like the way I usually write on here. I wish to be somber. Anything else seems disrespectful.

So I've been thinking a lot regarding quality versus quantity lately and I feel like shedding a tear at how much I've written in this month. I used to shovel useless bits and pieces into a post, fill it to the brim and make it sound like I'm actually doing something with my life. But, hey, I guess that's growing up. Watching TV, you get a lot of ideas about what growing up means. So far, this is what I've got:

What Growing Up Means According to Me
  1. Going for recess an hour later
  2. Having less motivation to update a blog
Don't get me wrong, I feel bad about the no motivation bit. I mean, I guess in pass weeks, I have been what could be considered as gung ho about the whole thing, so you could say it's just this week then. A bad week. From top to bottom, start to finish. It's the fourteenth of April, which means that two weeks passed without me not really writing anything at all other than that one post. It's been busy, but not that busy and I'll try to keep things moving and updated as soon as possible.

Writing about my days is just a good way for me to reflect so it's by no means an activity I'm about to quit on now. I'll be writing less I think and that's okay. There will be days in which I'll force myself to update and that's okay as well. Blogging, as I used to do it, required a high level of discipline that I just don't have the energy for right now. Maybe when I'm better, maybe when I'm no longer 'in denial' as they say, I'll write more.

Today, I had to fill in this form for Sun-U and under What are your hobbies? I wrote Thinking and Philosophizing. I think this is relevant somehow.

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