The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Homonyms

As usual, the good news before the bad news.

(Please excuse basically everything about me right now. While I still retain the capability to type a mile a minute [and I don't even know how fast that is because I don't really know how far a mile is], I literally haven't written in three weeks, like, properly, so just excuse it all.)

I guess what I've been wanting to say for a while now is that I just love you guys. All of you. Sometimes I don't show it enough, or say it enough, but of course that doesn't mean that it's not true. I appreciate every single one of you guys and, for better or for worse, camp made me realize this more than ever. You're all always here for me. You guys always have my back and even when I'm not asking for anything, you guys are just so generous and unselfish that you give anyway.

What happened on the second night really made me realize all of this. You're all so understanding and caring and, best of all, just so open with each other. When someone's at the sidelines, you pull them back in and make them feel special. When I was sitting all alone, you guys came and sat with me and made me feel apart of it all. And even when someone wanted to be alone on purpose, you all had the decency to not make assumptions about them and accept them for the introvert that they are.

But how can I make a thank you post without thanking you guys for what you did for the seniors? You're fast thinkers, all of you, and always, always so aware of your surroundings that everything, your quick wit, your lightning fast problem solving skills, it astounds me. If only I could be like that. When the night was winding down and everyone was getting tired, some of you guys still wanted to party and that's okay. Because it's not your fault that you wanted to do the things that you want to do instead of us all coming together as a family and deciding on what to do together. Honestly, none of you can be held responsible. At the very least you guys understand that, and own up to it, and worked hard at fixing your mistakes. I mean, if someone dedicated a year-old pop song to me in my hour of melancholy, all my troubles simply fade away, like magic. So what you guys did, it was unforgettable in a good way, undeniable in its honesty and sincerity and what more can I say, really? 

It hit me like a freight train how all of you guys are just so accommodating. I was taken back to times during recess when there would be one or two prefects sitting at different tables from the main one we commandeer, and you guys would drag them tooth and nail screaming to sit at the same table. That's family, you know. All of you don't have any walls up. All of you are so in tune with your surroundings that the minute someone feels left out, you raise them up like that Josh Groban song originally sung by Secret Garden. I mean, all of you, every single one of you guys. I'm just surprised, is all, because we've only known each other for four years and that's such a short span of time to get to know and appreciate someone and you guys know and appreciate everything about everyone.

The only people I was disappointed in were Khairina and Divyia. I mean, how useless, really. You guys didn't do anything when I was feeling sad. Everyone else was there for me, why weren't you guys? I was kind of sad about that but then again I thought, we've only known each other for four years. That's such a short span of time. Even if everyone else managed to comfort me, it doesn't mean it's compulsory for the two of them to do anything. Really, it's okay. I am mad, a little, deep inside, but I'm feeling awfully forgiving. I disagree with a lot of things Khairina said about the matter, she was just really wrong about all of it. And I know she'll read this and whatever, you know. Like I said, apology accepted. And as for Divyia, well, some of the things she said I did agree with but it still wasn't enough to make me happy again. It's not like she hugged me while I was crying or anything. Unlike, you know, everyone else.

I can't wait for the board next year. I think we're going to be great. Everyone's level of respect for everyone else is so high, it's through the roof. The bond between seniors and juniors are as strong as ever and what's more, we have reached a level of understanding simply unheard of before. Guinness Book of World Records level of understanding. Everyone does their jobs sincerely and without expectations of any form of payment. Everyone wants to do something good not because they're trying to prove something to anyone else, but because they know that it's the right thing to do.

Everyone tries their best to try to understand what other people are going through and, really, what more can you ask for?

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