The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, April 16, 2012

And On Fridays, They Came

Let me start off by saying that last week sucked and this week's not looking up to be any better. It's not that I'm asking people for pity, not at all. I'm not even going to burden everyone with my personal problems. I mean, why should I? So I won't. I understand that in certain respects, I've been irrationally challenging, and if I continue on in this vein for the next several months, then I understand that a change is definitely warranted, but for right now, just let me be. 

Nothing much happened on Monday, and in fact Monday was considered a good day. Well. First there was no Assembly, and then there was one, but other than that, things ran pretty okay. It's not like anybody actually goes to school for the lessons so I can remember nothing on that front. Nisa didn't come. There was a YE meeting that week, but no house practice. Basically all we did for YE was continue on with our production of the bracelets. It was like touchdown into the real world for the people who were involved in SAEYLS the previous week. If we were still in last week, I would welcome you guys back to reality, but alas, belated wishes are so gauche.

Tuesday was when the panic for the Sun-U public speaking thing started to fully set in and also, along with it, came the apathy. So it was like electricity turned on and off, my levels of caring too much and not giving a fuck altogether.  Maybe the spelling competition occurred on that day as well. I can't be sure and since it was fun until it wasn't anymore, I don't particularly care. Maybe it wasn't even on that day. Who cares, though? Who're you to tell me otherwise?

On Wednesday was another emotional day for me because Helena had a sleepover and she, of course, wanted to talk a lot. I don't really want to go into that night because, like I said, I don't have anything to say, I don't know what's appropriate to say or not and I'd just rather not deal with it, if it's all the same to you and since you have no clue what I'm talking about, I've come to the esteemed conclusion that yes, it is all the same to you. Other than that, Wednesday was a pretty boring day filled with homework and maybe that was when I started reading Wicked. I mean, who really knows? I like the book so far, although I'm not reliable so don't quote me on anything because I have yet to finish the last few parts. I think having seen the musical first definitely did me good because I like good news before bad news, after all. But I'm not going to do a book review. Forget it. I have Thursday to talk about.

Nothing interesting happened on Thursday except for maybe one thing in particular that I'll mention later. So we'll skip on to Friday (my dad's birthday), in which I asked Hanna and Nisa over to help me practice my public speaking speech. I had forgotten that my sister would be home around that time, so we all sort of went and had lunch together, with my mother, and then when we got back to my house, they painted while I attempted to practice and failed spectacularly. (Why is it neon pink? Because I'm thirsty!) That night, my mother wanted to see this real estate expo and of course I said I would go. We reached home by eleven and since most of the stores were closing by the time my sister and I went in search of food, I only had a pastry or two and I was starving.

We've come to the climax, which is Saturday, the public speaking competition. I woke up early and get this, for the rest of the morning, I didn't practice my speech at all. It was part, I don't care, and part, I don't want to get into the next round, so I just part gave up? I don't know. It just didn't seem like something I wanted to do on that particular day. So it was a shame. Maybe I threw it away, maybe it was other external circumstances but whatever. The day itself was actually fun. I was at school by seven and I called both Zaza and Madam K and they were both on their way. Zaza arrived first and we chatted at the Serambi about cats or something, joking that Madam K was going to arrive and transport us via motorcycle and keeping an eye out for every motorcycle zipping past. I hate car rides, so that's nothing to write home about.

I'm definitely happy that everyone conformed to the norm and attired themselves with school uniforms. Didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb. Zaza and I sat and didn't practice and talked and filled in this survey or form or whatever. About half an hour in, this guy next to Zaza started talking to us. You can read about him on Zaza's blog. He introduced himself, "I'm CK, like Calvin Klein." Anyways, I thought for sure he was going to get past preliminary rounds because he seemed so confident even though he said he wasn't (what a liar). We both didn't get past preliminaries but our respective partners or whatever did. In my defense, I am emotionally distraught and I had no idea it was going to be one on one with the judges. I thought it was public speaking, not handful of audience members and two judges speaking. All blame pushed aside, it was good to cheer Zaza on to the impromptu rounds, even though she didn't make it past Top 50. We stayed for the Top 12 speeches (the first one was made of win - how did she fucking do that?) and went home before the announcement of the finalists.

I don't know if I learned anything from that but I definitely had fun talking to people. It would have been nice to be up there as a semi-finalist and talk in front of an actual audience, but the topic 'a man is known by the silence he keeps' kind of scares me shitless. I don't know what I would've done. Heck, sitting here right now, I can't even form the first point for that.

I shouldn't have gone out with my sister, dad and nephew after that. We didn't even do anything. Should've just stayed at home. Had a bad night so cried through family dinner at this Arabic restaurant that kept on playing Demi Lovato songs until they had repeated Give Your Heart a Break several times and started to play (what I think is) Arabic songs.

Sunday, Hanna and I went out to see Titanic 3D and we cried buckets of water and I needed to pee a lot. There was also this Greyson Chance autograph signing. Xueh Wei was supposed to come with us to see the movie but she bailed on us, can you believe that. Old people were excited to see Greyson, or maybe they were just excited by excitement and this one lady all but pushed her boobs onto my back. There was this one chick behind me who asked me what was going on and I said I had no idea, out of respect to my hipster culture and background, and then a few seconds later, she whipped out her camera phone and started snapping shots.

Malaysians.

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