The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


I told myself I'd finish writing up all of these blog posts when I get better, so, ta-da. No big flourish or anything, just here. Here, have this one-week overdue post about my kind of pathetic life. Oh, but I think things were starting to look up by Tuesday because of the sheer excitement for the Hunger Games on Wednesday. Well, actually, no. True to the spirit of being an "individual" and "hating everything everyone else likes", Hunger Games opening week(end) was sort of torture for me. Kidding. Sort of. I do have a story about that, though.

I had asked Ellie to go watch it with me ages ago and Hanna and Xueh Wei as well and, well, not Nisa. I don't know how to say this so that I won't come off as a perfectly rational human being and all, but I really didn't think that a) Nisa liked going out with people she didn't know (well, I mean, not saying Hanna and Xueh Wei do, but on a grand scale, they're better at human interactions than Nisa is. And, well, I am. Even though Xueh Wei's a weird one, but we're getting a bit carried away here, aren't we?) and b) because at the very least, Hanna and Xueh Wei knew who Ellie was. So, I don't really know what got Nisa's knickers in a twist (I have psychoanalyzed her from afar and came up with a theory we can work with, but one which I'm sadly not sharing over the Internet because I've learned my lesson. Apparently when I write bad stuff about her, Nisa does read my blog!) but she was pissed at me and invited Hanna to go, just the two of them. There is a conclusion to this, but I think I'd get to it on Wednesday, though. Don't want to ruin the big finale.

But back to Tuesday, which was a boring day because there was no Accounts class and I'm not saying that Accounts class is the defining moment of my day or anything, but the school day was shorter so I probably have less things to say? Let's see if I can fit the whole day into one paragraph, but not this one because we want to make this post seem longer with more paragraphs.

During PE, we did the long jump about twenty or fifty times. Kidding. Barely. I have never had that much sand in my shoes. I guess the reason I was mad at Nisa that morning (well, it's an on and off thing, so really, I don't need to actually say when I am or am not mad with her, it just comes and goes like wind) was because of the whole Hunger Games thing so I didn't hang out with her during PE at all. Maybe just to prove, hey, you know what? I've got other friends. And the word that I choose to italicize in that sentence might mean a lot and there's a limit to my bitchiness, I have a heart, so I'll refrain from clicking the italicize button. After, we had Biology. Bad. Followed by BM. God cares what we did. Recess. Boring. English. No idea what went on. Islamic Studies. Teacher didn't come. So I guess I just... talked with people?

It's mainly the reason why we have barely-there fights, Nisa and I, because we sit next to each other. I have to cope with her, she has to cope with me. When you sit next to each other, you sort of have to form a symbiotic bond. I'd rather not but, hey, rules of nature. Got back tons more papers that day and I was kind of disappointed with my Biology but on top of all that disappointment, there was mainly indifference. I know that I keep saying this now, that I don't care. But I genuinely do not care so much that I have to keep reminding myself of that. If not, I will regress and become that girl who "cares" again. And then this would be a totally different blog. Case in point, Physics. Although, you know, I don't really have a point to prove. I could not have been absolutely more clueless than I was with the last set of questions and I miraculously, praise God above, got all of them correct. And I would've gotten a hundred if it weren't for those meddling kids, and by meddling kids, I meant the fact that I forgot to add in a cm or mm here and there.

I still have no clue what velocity or acceleration is.

I don't know if I had cared, maybe I would be satisfied or unsatisfied with these marks. I am happy that there are no B's on my list, but shit, let's be real. It's only the first test. And people are all around freaking out about this and you have got to take a chill pill. I don't really care anymore when people throw the, "Oh, it's fine for you, you're smart," because yeah, you know. So what? So you want to be smart, too? So be it. Like, I literally do not want to say thanks anymore because the things I work for, I actually worked for, and the rest is like sheer dumb luck or retained memory from years of watching television and reading random books or something. I mean, thanks for complimenting me on something I already know. Are you trying to say something else because if that's it, then let my high and mighty self-esteem show you your way to the door.

Tuesday was so boring, though.

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