The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Way Things Work Out

I went to school on Monday having absolutely no idea what in blue hell was going on. I knew other people already found out about their relief class duties and recess duties from Facebook and as always, I'm left out of that. I don't think it's anyone's issue other than my own, actually, but it's also somewhat partly them because I hate them. Ah, now we're getting into the mood I was in on Monday morning. Hanna texted yesterday to tell me that she received the Add Math holiday homework, something which I didn't receive either so you know what? I really do hate any and all things that breathe at that school. Even the plants.

Assembly was horrible. Sort of. I don't remember? I guess this is growing up. It's in parts having recess at a later hour than you've been accustomed to for the past three years and in parts having absolutely no more time to write a blog. But you know what? I've always said to people who asked me where I find the time, or the energy, or the inspiration, and I've never given them a straightforward answer because telling people who don't give a crap about how my day went and what kind of so-called problems I'm facing on a day to day basis is an innate trait of mine, and one that I'm not willing to give up just because I "don't have time" or "have too much homework" or whatever. It's ridiculous. I have no time and too much homework, yes, but that won't keep me from doing what I want to do. So there.

I've been thinking lately what an awfully demanding person I am, and I don't even want to rephrase that to make it sound more delicate. And you know what? It doesn't really matter if I take stuff and am satisfied with things, because I know what I want and I'll work to get them and I will get them, all in good time. I am a diva, but at least I get things done.

Sadly, and this is sad, I have a few minor things getting in the way of me and my wants. But I'll discuss that in a later post, because I'm now talking about Monday, a Monday that occurred no less than a week ago, and I barely remembered stuff last Friday, much less now that it's Tuesday. But whatever. I'll survive. The classes were nothing of importance, because for every single subject that day, we got back our papers and that was basically it and that was what we did (for the whole week, it seems like) so I don't know why I'm wasting my finger energy on this. Things all worked out in the end because no one cared for Smart Holiday homework. Even though I was rushing to finish it and all. And things also worked out in rather bizarre ways, too.

First of all would be History in which I sort of somehow miraculously by some divine intervention that had nothing to do with me (or sarcasm) got a hundred. Like, my jaw dropped. I went out the day before the History and Biology tests (which, explains the Biology results - there's nothing to be said for BM) and then sort of lazed around with my cats, reading some of my notes to them. Somewhere amongst all of that hardwork and effort, I managed to slip in some quality time with John and Hank Green. So, you know what? I really owe it all up to John, because a hundred? I mean, for freaking real. Thank you, God.

And then a bunch of other marks came in and disappointed wouldn't be the word I'd use for BM, mostly because I couldn't care less. I mean, I was kind of sad, because a lot of people managed quite high marks, but we've got to put things into perspective here. And besides, if I have any say in the matter, there will be absolutely no BM in my future, honor to the country be damned. (This is probably the sort of mental space that makes me get these really mediocre BM marks anyways, but whatever.)

After YE (in which fucking nothing happened!), we had Blue House practice and the attendance was disheartening, as usual. If I were the Captain, I would weep every week, which is sort of what happens, but never mind. Also, Blue House's sports marks are the lowest, which is hilarious. I'm not saying I enjoy other peoples' pain and suffering, nor do I get a kick out of physically seeing the manifestations of said pain and suffering, but you've got to admit, it's a pretty cute "take that!" to all of those seniors who were really rude to me when I tell them to be quiet or fix whatever about their attire. If we lose this year, I will be happy. 

We did practice for Sukantara and after having to throw the 5kg ball of some nondescript metal, I quit. Sam had fled but Sasha was about to go home so I asked her if I could hitch a ride. So in that sense, and in the sense of everything I've been worrying about for that day, things worked out flawlessly.

And then there was the rest of the week.

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