The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, March 12, 2012

So It Begins

I don't know how to write this without coming off as a douchebag. To be honest, I don't know how to write without coming off as a douchebag in the first place, so that was a redundant statement. A few days ago, I went to KLCC with Hanna and we stopped by Kinokuniya, because you can't go there without going there, right? And in line to pay for my purchases, this girl in front of me was buying The Hunger Games. Hum. Okay, look, I know that most of my friends? Did not read it when it first came out. To be frank and accurate, I did not read it when it first came out. It came out around September or October of 2008 and I heard of it late 2008 and read it early 2009. It's one of those things that I read, I thought "okay this is good" and then I sort of forgot about it because I did not have a fandom to back me up with thoughts of it constantly. And, well, The Hunger Games fandom wasn't that big a thing when it first came out.

I read the trilogy in its entirety (including rereading The Hunger Games) after Mockingjay came out, which was in Form 2. Late Form 2. And at the time, it was hard work trying to find it at the stores. I thought that the easiest thing to do was order it from Kinokuniya or something, but even they didn't have Mockingjay in stock. I remember I started sharing the series with Nadiah and she told me that she found Mockingjay online and, okay, that was where I read it. To this day, I have the .html version of the book. So I'll give credit is credit is due, Nadiah? Not one of those people. And a few people actually did ask to borrow the book from me and okay, that's fine. Let me tell you where I discovered The Hunger Games and basically every other book I read.

Through online friends. Through the best sellers list. Through forums. Through book recommendation lists. Never, really, through, well, movies. I meant, like, "Oh, well, the movie for that's coming out, I better go read the book." There's only two books that I read because I saw the movie first. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone and It's Kind of a Funny Story. Now, I'm not saying that's there's anything wrong with wanting to read a book because the movie's coming out (if you'd like to cross-examine, I take that back. I am saying there's something wrong with that. That's actually the point of this post!). I'm saying, well, that's really darn predicable of you. It's something like, like, you can't find a book to read yourself, so you're going with the ever-present, ever-invisible flow. 

Last year was so annoying for me. Everyone started reading The Hunger Games and it was disgusting. Like, okay, I was squealing over all of this years ago and now you want to do it in front of my face. I guess it's about seniority, in some respects, but it's also, like, okay I'm jealous. There. I said it. You guys have each other to squee with. You guys have your pretty little groups of friends to discuss things with and to, well, to read with, and I had to go through it mostly by myself. I could talk to people online and it's not the same, of course, and it'll never be the same. And I hate you guys for just sort of invading my personal space like that because for me, reading is personal. The Hunger Games is personal because I read through that, all of those horrors, alone. Percy Jackson is personal. Harry Potter is personal. The Chronicles of Narnia is personal and I still remember calling someone out for reading The Chronicles of Narnia right before the movie (um, Voyage of the Dawn Treader) and they had the gall to say, "Oh, I'm not reading it because of the movie." And, you know, sure. And I'm the White Witch. All of these things came into my life at the right place, at the right time because maybe I felt lonely then and I needed something to keep me company, regardless of its forms, and if it's a book, then it's a book. I created a personal bubble around me with these books and imagine my horror when it's suddenly this fad, this bandwagon everyone's jumping on just because they signed a movie deal.

You guys have friends to talk about it with. I... Nisa never really read. And Hanna is annoying. And in Form 2, I was under the impression that Pri didn't read either. And Kai and Divyia read different sorts of books. And Helena reads those depressing little shits. Maze as well. So I told Nadiah. And it was the right decision. I just should have told more people, I guess. It's always nicer to have your personal space invaded by people you invited in.

So I'm sorry about being a douche. I don't really want to. It's just that. It's like this. I don't involve myself in The Hunger Games anymore because the fandom sort of got run over by all of these new age readers who came in it because of the movie deal. I sort of broke up with the fandom. And people like Xueh Wei, Elia, Hanna, Nisa, Nadhrah, all of those, people who read it after I did and I sort of lump them in the category of those fandom runovers, they sort of flaunt it in my face that they still care. That they're still involved. And I can't handle that. I was here first and then things got bad when you guys came and it just feels like I was the one forced out even though I know you guys did nothing but love a book the way books are supposed to be loved. I can't help how I feel.

I don't care anymore and I hate that. I hate that you guys made me not care. I want to. But on a very conscious level, I know that the movie franchise isn't mine. It's not my place. It's not my place to comment on Jennifer Lawrence or Josh Hutcherson and the rest of the cast, it's just not. I can't help thinking that it's not anyone's place to comment on their appearances either, especially not those who just read the books recently.

The movie's not mine. It's yours. You can have it.

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