The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Good News, Bad News

Some of the things that I think happen to be Frequently Asked Questions in peoples' minds, and were it not for the fact that none of them have the balls, I probably would have been asked all of this as early as Monday.

What's the good news? 
Well, I got second in class. I felt wonderful. Wonderful enough to forget for a moment that a) I don't care anymore now and b) the people who asked me "Second? Why not first?" really should be punched in the face. Another thing that is awesome is that we had this body fat and muscle measuring thing and get this, guys: I gained weight! Arshivina gained weight as well and this reminds me of a time back in Form 2 when the two of us and Santra wanted to form a Weight Watchers kind of thing, but backwards, because we really wanted to gain weight! Pigging out has really been beneficial to my self esteem. I am proud of you, body. And wait, there's more! Not only have I gained weight, my BMI? Officially normal and no longer underweight! I am also normal in my fat distribution and basically everything else (including minerals intake, which is odd considering I don't think I eat that much stuff with minerals in it) except for a deficiency in proteins. So this has made me really happy. Also my fitness level is 74, which is crazy weird because I sit on my ass all day (and occasionally do cartwheels) (I am kidding, I cannot do cartwheels). Nadiah, harbinger of bad news, told me that's it's probably inaccurate anyways. Boo you, whore, my fitness level is 74!

What's the bad news?
Practically everything else but it all started on Wednesday, when they announced that, since the fees for prefects camp this year is a little steep, we're going to be setting up a booth for SFS. I nearly cried on the spot. Not only do I have to go, I have to go for the entire event. They're forcing us to walk. They're forcing us to buy the tickets and wear the shirt.

I object!

So what's your deal with the whole thing, anyway? I mean, it's for a good cause.
I just. I can't with it. I mean, I understand why they're doing it, I understand the objectives of the event and it's all highly commendable, really, I mean, hats off to you guys for effort and all. But it's just, it's the principle of the thing, it's the way I view this thing, as just this hyped up thing where everyone's grabbing a ticket because it's an event, not because it's an event to support a good cause. I also have serious qualms about the tagline 'It Gets Better', both because it's been done to death before (oh, that was really inappropriate, man) and because, well, it doesn't. It doesn't get better and I say this from, well, not from a place of experience or a position of authority on the matter, but because... there are so many better forms of advice to give!

Why have you been so moody in the morning?
The people I hang out in the morning are so different from me, it's ridiculous. I don't even understand why we are able to hang out. My participation in a conversation in limited to me contributing a sarcastic remark or two and frankly, three and a quarter years later, I am so tired of it, it's sick. It makes me sick. I don't know what I'm doing there, I don't run in this circle, I can't talk to these people about anything that I want to talk about. I can be the ditzy girl, the crazy girl, the cat-obsessed girl, but that's not really the side of me that I think is the dominant side. I'm not that girl all the time, not even ten percent of the time. And it's the only facade, the only face I can put on when I'm with them and I just need a change of pace and they're all really annoying and they read stupid books.

Why have you been so moody in class?
I don't know. Esther, probably. I mean, it was funny the first few months back, and it'll continue to be funny in a mean, mocking way, but I've had enough. I mean, if it's just you being you, then there's nothing I can do about it but just clench my teeth and sit through the hell. But she really doesn't listen to whatever the teachers say, not properly, if not she wouldn't be asking all of these stupid questions. Also, Santra. Stop it. You're not funny or cute or whatever it is you're trying to accomplish here. You're just vaguely annoying. And not like, full-frontal annoying until it becomes a problem that is easily brought to light and dealt with, but annoying in a messy way, like a fly or a mosquito.

Nisa also sucks, but that's a given.

Do you think you're better than everyone or something?
I think I am marginally less annoying than Santra and Esther, but primarily because I don't speak as much. My looking at you like you're stupid or like I'm better than you or like you deserve to reside on the soles of my shoes shouldn't play a part in it at all. And Friday afternoon, I was a bitch, so I was annoying then, I'll admit to that, but that was only because I actually cried during prefects meeting from the sheer DO NOT WANT of going to SFS. As for every other time, no. I think there's no general scale or measuring tape as to who is better or not. We all judge on different standards. I'm just very much different from most of you guys, in no way better or worse. Or at least I'd like to think.

Anything else?
I am a perpetual broken record of misanthropy, with a large helping of snowflake syndrome.

No comments:

Post a Comment