The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Going Home

Monday won't take long to write about, and neither really does any of the other days in the week, because they sort of started to merge into one. Exam week usually means crying in the shower or before going to bed for me, but I am happy to note the change in my demeanor and basically everything else and I was, for the most part, having a good time through it all. But since I don't like people, there was a limit as to that 'good time'.

For History on Monday, we didn't manage to do further revisions because teacher came into the class late. We did revise for Chemistry and Islamic Studies (and I use that term as loosely as possible for the latter) and half of BM was taken away from us with a short briefing on the year's oral presentations. Boring. Snore. Who cares. I paid half of my attention because it was mostly stuff I already knew and later on I got annoyed that Pn. Rachel pronounced "regurgitate" wrong. After, we had to arrange tables and chairs. I find it unfair that we have to do the tests at the hall, but no amount of my whining or complaining about it would get me anywhere since the events of last week have already occurred. Highlight of the day was talking to a very passionate Elia about THG. Which, I guess I could talk about later, since the movie's coming up and all. But not now.

I've covered the entirety of Monday and what more can I say? I guess I could talk about my studying endeavors at home that day, but it's worthless. So let's just get right down to it.
  1. Chemistry was a good paper. I mean, jeez, I only have that to say. I was still pretty much blur through it all that morning, I mean, I understood that there was going to be a test in which we're going to be sitting at the hall and oh, it all sounds so official and all, but I was honestly just very not into it. Maybe later, I'll get into the groove, eh?
  2. Before Islamic Studies, we only had barely half an hour. I decided to just quit and give up. Go big or go home, and I was choosing to basically go home. I asked Khairina whether she wanted to go to the little ladies' with me, but she said she wanted to study. So I went with Zaza. Honest to God it was such an easy paper, Khairina fell asleep in front of me about fifteen or twenty minutes later. Maybe earlier. I couldn't answer one question and it was nagging at me the whole time, but whatever. I mean. Really.
  3. For English, I had done absolutely no preparation and it was not much of a shock that a) I was able to answer the questions despite b) the questionable quality of the paper. Whatever. You'd think that citing a couple of paragraphs from a source would mean no spelling or grammatical mistakes. You would be wrong. English teaches me never to assume things, and also that Malaysian English bears absolutely no resemblance to the language I've learned to love.
  4. There was no studying of Biology or History. If this was the effort I put forth, I am very excited indeed to see the results, although you're allowed to read that in a sarcastic tone. For History, there was something of two hours before the paper. I think Elyna was sleeping behind me. Nisa, who hadn't managed to study anything either, but who, unlike me, hadn't really managed to read through everything just yet, was freaking out and actually studying, and I attempted conversation with her and failed. So I went away and started going through everything (twice) and Encik Hulam was walking around, shaking his head, asking people whether they were studying for the exam or studying for the knowledge, and that served as my own personal amusement for the next several hours. The paper itself was somewhere between subpar and sublime, which makes it neither of those adjectives.
  5. BM paper was an unmitigated disaster.
  6. Biology was all right. I could answer mostly all of the questions and finished the paper with a sense of satisfaction and foreboding, of the 'this only gets harder' sorts. In that sense, Interact Club members, it does not, in fact, get better. Nisa kept on about how she wanted to drop Bio but remain in the class. I kept on thinking that if she doesn't think this whole thing through properly without her colored lens of classicism, she gon' be in trouble. (Selfishly? I want her to stay because then, who would I sit next to?)
  7. The rest of the day was spent reading fanfiction. Please take time to process that. Physics the next day was a trainwreck, and I was mostly glad that where I'm going, there would be little to no Physics involved. I used to like Physics. But then my teacher happened. The last question was faulty. Nadiah is of the belief that she somehow got the answer. It is all right. We can all cling to our beliefs  -and, in fact, we need to - in order to survive Physics class this year.
  8. Add Math was all right. I couldn't answer one question, but I'm hoping to at least glean some spare crumbs of marks from the shoddy workings I did. That sounded ominous. "Shoddy workings".
  9. Math was all right. I hated the paper, but it was all right. Basically, Thursday wasn't my day, and if I don't get high marks for any of these three subjects, I'm not going to guarantee my every happiness, but at least it wouldn't be unexpected. Neither would it be unexpected for most people, actually, because Physics and Math were kind of shoddy papers.
  10. Tasawwur was finished in fifteen minutes. I considered not even taking the test, but Khairina convinced me otherwise. Fifteen minutes was not shoddy. Since others were begging off to study Accounts, I packed my bag (which was right in front of me) and flitted off to the cabin classes to be with other Accounts-taking students.
  11. Accounts was okay. A lot of crapping, but it was okay.
  12. Civics actually got me down a bit because I had something like... no, wait, you already heard this story. On the bright side, I am certain that I can ascertain between right and wrong, even though I may be a little rusty in practice, and Civics is not coming out in SPM. Huzzah.
I have nothing else to say because it was, at its peak, just another week to suffer through. Mostly (and this is a new development) I'm just excited for school to reopen so I can discover my marks and find out which areas I need to work more on. Sorry if I'm rubbing my self-actualization in your face.

No comments:

Post a Comment