The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Forget About Guns (Forget Ammunition)

On Thursday, I followed my parents to go see a man about a donkey. Or something similar. It's actually top secret, hush-hush sort of business so you're not going to understand anything about this, and that's okay. It was mildly uncomfortable. The lady (for it was a lady and not a man. I was honestly kidding about the donkey) asked me where I was working and that's new. Just a few days earlier, someone asked me what year I was in primary. We face surprises every day. It was also informative and shed light on a bunch of things, such as what adults talk about in their spare time. Apparently, my mother has a game plan. A strategy. It's interesting to observe because one day, she could be playing all of these tactics on me. So it was me, tagging along, gathering ammo for the future.

I am very selfish like that. This has sort of become a tug-of-war and one side even wants me to be the mediator. I am fine with that as long as I get some form of payment, but payment's been the last thing on everyone's minds lately. Every time my mother tells me how she doesn't want That Thing to continue, I ask her why, and every time I'm hoping for a different answer, the real answer, because I know they know, and I know they know I know they know, and they know I know and we're not really doing anything about it except for walking on eggshells around each other. Well, you can't exactly say this is the worst that we've come across. There was the first egg. And then there will be me, so you just wait and see!

I'll continue being on nobody's side but my own. Everyone has such a differing agendas, even my mother from my dad. So I'll ball all of this up for ammunition, so that when the time comes for me to step a foot out, I'll have some semblance of a weapon. Although, unlike certain parties, I'm not actually going to do anything about that. I'm not that selfish.

On Friday, they told us that we had to fast in the morning, as in no food or any type of drink except for mineral water. Everyone freaked out, thinking it was blood test. There was even a fake rumor disguised as the truth going around that it was a blood test. My mother and I were team Surprise Drug Test and she told me I didn't have to pee in a cup if I didn't want to. I didn't want to. But it was all for naught, anyway, all that worry, because they just wanted to measure out fats and muscles. 4SA was the first class called but then Miss Foo said, "Let the PGL people do it first!" so they did. And then, "Let 4SD do it first!" so they did. And then I was rioting with hunger so I ate during recess, fasting be damned.

Afterwards, they told us that we didn't actually have to fast, we just couldn't eat or drink ten minutes before. Miscommunication! Oops! There was this Form 2 class who hadn't eaten since morning so, "Let them do it first!" so they did. Halfway through those Form 2s and about three quarters of the way through the printer's ink cartridges (because after weighing you with their high-tech machine thingy, they printed the info out), 4SM came in and I glared at them until someone asked them politely whether we could do it first. Considering we had been there the whole day, practically.

We weren't allowed to keep the printed paper on which our results were printed. If you want to know about my results (you most probably do not), you can refer to the previous post, under the subheader of "What's the good news?"

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