The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Difficult to Catch

On Thursday, I was up bright, early and chipper for the Finance Workshop. But before this, let's talk about Wednesday, which I've somehow forgotten about, because I thought I had talked about it in a previous post, but no. As it turns out, that post was entirely about my snot and phlegm and other mucus-colored things that come out of the orifices I have on my head (other than my ears. And eyes, but I don't think they're orifices?). I can't remember much about Wednesday, but it was SPM results day if I'm not mistaken and if I am, sorry, it's not like I took the test and was anxiously peeing my pants awaiting the results. I was more excited for the Hunger Games. Or not, you know. Nonchalant shrug of the shoulders because I'm a hipster. It's fun making fun of myself now. You guys should try it sometimes.

So we did basically nothing for the whole day, I guess. There were a few pests, teachers coming when they could have just as well not, you know. I mean, it's not like you're under any obligation or sense of duty or whatever. We students will do just fine on our own. For the most part, a useless day and I forgot why I came, would you believe it? I had to like sit down during recess duty because everything was coming out of my face. I would like to offer my sincerest gratitude and thanks to Nadiah for putting a lot of effort into the Biology model. I made a crap piece of job crap, but somehow, everything pulled together at the end there and really, the conclusion of this story is on Friday but you know what, thanks anyways Nadiah. As for all the missed calls and what have you, it's all in the past now.

Speaking of things that are in the past. Nisa invited me to watch The Hunger Games with her and Hanna, which is sweet of her if she hadn't said no when I asked whether I could go along with them on previous days and she and Hanna hadn't laughed at me, but you know friendship. Sacrifice and all of that. I'll never understand Nisa, like truly, nor will I understand people who say that she's not "all that bad", but then again, get to know someone too well, and they become the devil in your eyes. Or something like that. I was always under the impression that if you got to know someone, like truly know someone in and out, then you would fall in love with them regardless because of their genuine... their-ness. I guess Nisa doesn't give enough of herself away for people to really get to know her. Another thing that's annoying? Hanna's not taking sides. I mean, I get it, you're a "good person" and all, but I was kind of your friend first and between her and Nisa, I've chosen. But that's petty and very whiny and bitchy of me to write down - and think about - but I can't help it. I really don't have a filter when it comes to this blog.

But it's all in the past! So since it was such a boring day, maybe the day's end would offer some kind of excitement? The Ranger's audition for something or another which I'm vaguely aware I'm involved in but who really cares, right? Featuring: Zaza singing a wonderful rendition of Turning Tables, some other people singing and dancing and kind of sucking, Nadiah dancing!, and a bunch of other people from other schools doing some stuff or another I wasn't really paying attention to because I was too busy paying attention to the back of the judges' heads and Sabrina, who was sitting next to me and occasionally tempting my attention away from the stage with ages old Avril Lavigne songs. Sigh, I really do miss my Avril Lavigne days. Those sad old days when I listened to her and thought, "Preach, girlfriend!" (I never out loud though, I swear!)

Back to old Thursday, then? I'd like to refrain from commenting on the first part of the day, in which we were late and the traffic was crawling at an abnormally eye-watering pace and Violet was kind of ready to commit suicide in the front seat and a bunch of other things were going on in the back seat, including me sneezing no less than twelve times and going was really a bad idea because I a) do not have any plans to be an accountant and whatever hopes and dreams of being an economist were kind of dashed when I found my true calling, and b) am not even going to be doing anything finance related for YE so the idea that I would gain anything from something called a Finance Workshop was ludicrous. I had fun, though. Talked to people and didn't make friends or anything, but talked to people is actually a huge step up for me, if you would believe it.

The office place was gorgeous, though, and really, it's so generous of them to offer up the space for a bunch of clueless young nothings for half a day's worth of accounting and auditing lessons because people were still working and behind the little cafeteria area or whatever it is you'd call it was an office and they were actually storing some of the catering stuff and plates there for a while after we finished eating, and there were actually people, like, working in that office. And I should win some kind of prize or something for that sentence because it was a pain in the ass to reread. It made me think of what a failure I am as a writer. 

During our short little breakfast we had in the morning (because that is, in fact, the time in which most people have their breakfasts, Sherlock), this guy from somewhere, I don't know, I wasn't listening, dropped in our table of four (by the way, also with me on this trip were Maha and Violet. Hi, guys.) and started asking us random questions while simultaneously eating with us. I would call this creepy but creepier stuff have happened to me, believe it or not, and let's just say that next time, when there's three people, you take the table with three seats. Why did he choose us to sit with instead of other people from other schools? Who knows? Maybe (and most probably) it was the empty seat. Maybe our t-shirts were just this beacon or magnet or some sort, attracting random passers-by. It's something to think about, especially if you take into consideration that weirdo teacher from some school who kept wanting to take pictures of our shirts, but mostly I think if you follow the "three seat table for three people" rule, you'll go places. Big places.

Overall, if you're a secretary for YE and someone tells you to go to something called a Finance Workshop, just say no. Like with smoking and alcohol and drugs. Anyways, we were in a rush to head back to school, Maha and Violet because of their Ed Board meeting and me because of Hunger Games (how cool do I seem in comparison to these people? Seriously). I found Hanna on the way out the gate, stroke of luck! (Actually I had to chase her down). And we set our goal on finding the ever elusive Nisa. So first victim was Gloria. I asked her where Nisa was. She said she didn't know. I asked her what they did for Bio that day. She stood there for a long time, thinking about it and then I started walking away and when I was a few feet away from her, she answered. I did not hear her. Long story short even though we haven't really gotten to the good bits yet (in which Hanna walked around the entire school in search of Nisa), Nisa didn't come to school that day.

I asked her, out of curiosity, what she would've done if I hadn't called her and asked her what her plans for going to the Curve was (and if my Dad wasn't there to send us all in the first place), and she shrugged. You have now entered Nisa's world, in which I do a lot of things for her. Not, like, emotionally or sexually, but physically. And then we watched The Hunger Games and I know I keep writing that differently each time, without the 'The' or with it or having it capitalized or not and all of that and I don't care. I can't bear to write THG because then a red line will appear underneath and I'd have to add that word to the dictionary and that's require me to touch my mouse.

After writing that sentence down, you bet I added that word to the dictionary.

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