The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Sixteen Vs. Fourteen

So, let's see... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday... Friday. I would just like to thank the Powers That Be for making this week something I can look back upon and somewhat smile about, regardless of the fact that things got blown up here and there, and I cried like once a day or something. First public cry of the school year also made a guest appearance on Wednesday. Despite all of that, it was an okay week. So praise. But I would like to blame the institution, and I'll admit here that I have no idea which institution I'm currently placing blame on, for denying me the chance to enjoy recess even once this week. I blame Hanna. I blame Violet. Not so much YE, because that was acceptable. I blame people for my problems. I'm not about to go blaming myself. I am faultless. So thanks, guys, friends, all of you, for having me replace you guys every other week. I owed Hanna, so remember, future me: Violet owes you.

And that might not be the most optimistic note to start a post on, but it'll do. I'm mostly still angry about that, because 4KN requires travel up two flights of stairs and other than the birds I get to stare at, it's pretty damn boring. The day started off with Chemistry in which we arranged our PEKA files. Nadiah came at the end of the class (it was raining that morning, so she left her house pretty late) and asked us: "Am I late?" Then it was off to the library for the lack of Mod Math. We had History before recess and I am proud of myself for paying about one fraction of attention. 

The rest of the day was filled with a talk on... self-defense? Self... um, running away when bad guys come after you? I wasn't paying attention. I was about to, but then the speaker dude told us to call him Daddy, so I blanked out. I had an on-paper conversation with Hanna and Xueh Wei while simultaneously redesigning my dream house. I felt like a tool having a written conversation, because it honestly seems so primary school. Towards the end of the day, it was announced that everyone had to stayback to help arrange the chairs for tomorrow's PIBG event. And then they amended themselves and said that only prefects had to stayback to help arrange the chairs for tomorrow's PIBG event.

All right, so first off, broken record time, here we go: the fact that Form 4s walk into the hall and just stand around there, as if expecting other people to usher them to sit down, as if expecting chairs to magically appear from the sky with some champagne and a bucket of diamonds to boot, if fucking appalling. You guys are sixteen, some of you, if not fifteen, and the concept of sitting down or filling in the spaces still confuses you? What the everliving fuck? It makes me want to cry. You are the future of this country and it makes me want to cry. I understand that however big a douche you are, it doesn't matter. "Future's not in the past" and all that and all these 'troubled' students who refuse to follow the school rules, ain't no big thang for them in the future and they'll end up becoming successful or whatever.

How the fuck is that fair? Like, what even is the purpose of prefects then, if school rules and so-called discipline have absolutely no effect on the future they have? So all those times they made some poor unsuspecting prefect angry, all those times they become the cause for some poor unsuspecting prefect getting scolded, they just get to get away with it? Does God even punish you if you don't follow the school rules? Is that even a punishable sin? Not in my Islamic Studies textbook, so I can't say for sure.

I'll say this, though: it really doesn't matter to me either way, but if I see any of you guys in the future, these people who constantly get on my last nerves, the group of hardheaded asshats who, even after four years, don't know what to do when they enter a school hall for an event even though barely a few inches to your side are the Form 2s, sitting down like freaking angels, I will laugh at you. I don't care if you're Prime Minister, some big shot or a sanitary engineer, I will laugh at you and I will remember a time in which you are dumber than a bunch of thirteen year olds.

And to that group of Form 4s who think it's perfectly acceptable to spill the entire contents of your bag on the floor of the hall to save a space for your friend? First of all, you're stupid. Like, insanely so. You can just keep the space clean and tell whatever poor soul decides to want to park their ass there that that space is taken, sorry. And if this were your house or if you fucking owned the school or whatever, by all means, make a mess. But it isn't. And I'm allowed, actually, it's indisputably my job to tell you that you shouldn't be making a mess. This is school. You're a bunch of idiots, really, and roll your eyes at me all you want, it won't change the fact that you're so dumb, you lower the IQ of the entire school.

Meeting was same old. There was a bee there as well. In fact, there was a bee buzzing around during Chemistry as well. This is a challenge I'll have to get past. 

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