The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Drumming Song

Friday was classified as an okay day, although a lot of things that I had wished to accomplish by day's end ended up remaining on my list of things to accomplish, instead of being crossed out, all of which is just a fancy way of putting "I didn't get much shit done, I suck". I can't remember what our first period for the day was, it was probably something totally not worth remembering, but I do remember having Add Math and Maths right after, which kind of sucked.

Nisa didn't come again for the day (that's twice this year, Nisa, I'm appalled) so I sat next to air, which was marginally better than sitting next to actual Nisa (I am enjoying taking jibes at her because more and more, it's become like a pastime for me now. We learned something new for Add Math, and finished up a chapter for Maths. I think the rest of the day was cursory, not suicide-inducing at best, and it all topped up with a meeting that still makes me sick to the stomach to relive, so I'll just forget about that (and the pop quiz and the fact that I misread two questions and crossed out about half of my correct answers to be replaced with wrong ones. But ever the optimist, I'll just forget about all of that). 

So since this is what we've come to, I decided to include Road Run 2012 in here as well. I woke up that morning with a sense of "today's actually going to be a good day" despite the fact that a) I've never before felt this way in regards to Road Run, or in fact, any sort of school on a Saturday, because b) I am not a runner, long-distance or sprints. From where that feeling came from is unbidden, and God cares, really, because I took a very cold shower and had no time at all to read fanfiction that morning because I couldn't find my badges and pins and I was sort of freaking out a bit there. But I arrived, bright, early, and one might even say chipper (more chipper than usual, anyways, considering the fact that I did not have my coffee the day before and that was just sad), to a mostly empty canteen, Zaza, and someone else I forgot. Sad morning, but not for long. I honestly enjoy 2D because they make me feel like a worthy prefect (because they're so nice and borderline obedient most of the time) so my mornings never fail to make me happy. Even the aerobics wasn't awful and I felt a little bit isolated most of the time, because that is just my calling in Blue house (which is why I've stuck around Divya more and more these days), but since I'm already used to that, hey, what's the biggie, right?

Hanna, Nisa and I reached under an hour (praise all things that needs to be praised - mostly, God!) and I know what a huge skip this is, but that's mostly because, aside from jogging, running, walking and whatever else we did with our legs, there wasn't much of a much going on for the actual road running portion of Road Run. We hardly talked and most of the time, we were separated anyways (or out of breath). Hanna got stitches halfway so we stopped about once or twice but aside from that and the constant yells of "RUN! RUN! JOG!" from the people standing at the side coincidentally neither running nor jogging, there was definitely nothing noteworthy about all of that. When we reached, we got red cards, and it was in this order: Nisa, Hanna, and then me, in short succession, because despite being lighter than a sack of feathers, I am apparently super unfit, which is really to be expected considering all I ever do is not exercise and park my ass on computer chairs, so c'est la vie and all of that. Hanna and I collapsed on the floor towards the side of the hall and I drank half my water and poured a quarter down my shirt. Hanna drank the rest. Other than the fact that my vision was sunblind and my legs felt like jelly after the initial standing up, nothing was amiss and we both weren't all that tired.

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully, for me, at least, and I have to say thanks to all my camera people for being dutiful and generally awesome. I was thinking of taking some slips from the office on Friday and having a heart by giving it out to the illegal camera owners instead of confiscating said cameras, but if you wanted a person with a heart maybe you should've gone out and bought one at a flea market. I slept for a while at the hall, first with my head resting in one palm but then I dumped my bag on the ground and just used it as a pillow. That, unfortunately, only lasted a couple of minutes (despite which I still got some form of sleep in edgewise), because Miss Foo popped up like an unwanted zit to announce some announcements. She always does that. She is now on my timetable and I would give an arm and a leg to have her off of it. Literally, like, I think lacking an arm and a leg would mean a justifiable excuse from any and all PE classes, right?

Blue won big. It's like that saying, "Go big, or go home." Divya was no optimist when it came to the notice board competition, because we finished decorating so late and all, but I kept my fingers crossed and eyes cast up in hope, and 'lo and behold, we won second. As for the rest, nothing needs to be said. If we fail the biggest fail in the history of failure after this, then at least we shall immortally be known as the house that went big and did not go home for Road Run. So I am counting on every other facet of the house, now that we have our spirits considerably raised, to bring it. And as for me, I have no clue what I'm going to be doing, just that I know I will not be contributing marks for lack of apathy.

I did care, though, about us winning big this year, which came as a surprising shock. Usually I just put on my loud voice and cheer as fucking loudly as possible, but this year I did that and I actually cared a little, even though comparatively I much preferred last year's seniors, and I guess it relied heavily on the fact that I had glimpsed a version of me that might be standing up there in front next year, some day, and that made me feel slightly mushy and quite positively dopey. It takes a lot for me to admit to enjoying a singular moment in which the people surrounding me are like my family, but winning the overall, overall prize was one of moments I'll admit to, and am sad to see pass by in a blink.

That was my Friday and Saturday, greatly uneventful but bringing little shocking truths to light, here and there.

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