The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Absence

Nisa didn't come that day and I think it was a bad day. Or maybe not. I was rushed and frenzied in the morning, because people really suck a lot. If I could like as a hermit, away from people and only organizing and caring for my own internal affairs, I'm sure I'd lead a far happier life. Which leads me to thinking, what is the point of creating humans with such a huge divide between them, as introverts and extroverts? Why not just create one type of human and be done with it? I'm not actually questioning God here. I just hate people. I sometimes wonder what grownups have to say to me, or in defense of me. That it's just a phase? That I'll grow up and out of it? I'd be merry and honored indeed to see that day and I just hope that whatever happens and whatever my outlook will be on life, whether negative or positive or downright neutral, I'll never for once forget this: life goes on and rolls on and you grow up, but people never quite quit sucking.

We did exercises for BM, and I'm changing the subject now because of course you'd not like to hear yet once again about how stupid the students of this here High Performance School is that they still need to be shepherded like sheep to sit down during Monday morning Assemblies. After that, for History, we watched a National Geographic documentary about this semi-hot guy running around China and talking to us about what the ancient Chinese people contributed to the advancement of science and technology and a bunch of other subdivisions under that. I say semi-hot because I think Divyia liked him, although she is prone to be attracted to anything that's not Malaysian, most probably. I didn't know you could buy National Geographic documentaries on DVD. I'll look into that. Nobody was really paying attention, or at least not enough attention that the very interesting topic deserves (no sarcasm attached) and I felt bad and all. I was really paying attention, one ear open and my hands working on my Rumusan which was to be handed in that very day. So everyone was doing that too, I guess, and I felt bad and all. That is really the extent of my feelings towards that History class. 

Nadiah sat next to me for the rest of the day (practically the rest of the week). We went to the surau for Islamic Studies and I think I sat next to Damia, not that that's noteworthy or anything. For Add Math we did revision or maybe not. I can't remember. No Mod Math. Actually, you know what, for each and every Mod Math lesson of the week, we went to the library, where I sat with Zaza and Kharina or the likes and we talked about their boyfriends or something.

A lot of people weren't staying back (for house practice especially), using exams as what they assume is a verifiable excuse. Dicks. For YE, Nisa came and I was very mad at her, actually, for deserting me for the most part, but other than that, I really don't have anything to say. Mostly I'm just angry that people like her who have the opportunity to skip school as they please and without no sense of anxiety on the subject at all have the adjacent opportunity of studying at home (I seriously study so much more at home) and then there's me, who's obligated to go to school because if I don't, I get panic attacks and also, there's the added worry of prefects duty. I guess it instills a sense of responsibility in me from a young age, or at least it's supposed to. I just feel like it's a cruel and unusual form of punishment and prison might be better. However, it all boils down to the fact that Nisa gets to skip school as she pleases and I don't is unfair.

For house practice, it rained prior and there was the whole aerobics thing and I mostly hung around Intan. That is the end of my school day and this is where I'm ending this post.

But wait. On Tuesday, I didn't go to school and I woke up super early, studied a crap load of History and wrote out a crap load of notes on the subject, as well as used the powers of the Internet to its full advantage and went to some kick-ass websites that displayed kick-ass information. There. That's it.

(Also I ate more Pop Tarts.)

(That's it.)

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