The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Sunny Side Up

A (For the Most Part) Happy Post

After a stupid day on Thursday - it wasn't bad, it wasn't good; it was just stupid and by the end of the day, I felt like convincing myself to fuck ethics and become an axe murderer - and basically, just after the whole funk I've been in all week, Friday was somewhat refreshing. Somewhat. Still, it can't quite possibly be categorized as a good day, because on the Good Day spectrum, it falls somewhere near the middle probably, maybe leaning just a tad bit more towards Good. Because nothing happened, not much, I think. If there had been more activity, then I probably would have said with confidence that it was a Bad Day. But this is rambling, and rambling is pointless, and I think at this point, I'm just trying to prolong this paragraph because for the life of me, I think this is going to be another boring post. Boring and maybe even shorter than the last.

Friday started off with the normal stuff. I think I broke a few rules and stuff I had set for myself in the morning but I really can't help it. My self-control is next to zero when it comes to That Matter. It put me down for a while, but after having to put on my Senior Face in front of my relief class, I think things got better. Not saying that I'm happy that one student is absent, making her incapable of handing in her Borang Maklumat Murid. I'm saying that this is, for the most part, a happy post.

YE turn out was terrible but kind of expected. I mean, I thought for sure that that was worst case scenario. Well, now that I've seen the worst case scenario right in front of my very eyes, I'm pretty sure it's all uphill from here. Violet was very upset, and so were everyone else, I think. Maybe I care, maybe I don't; bottom line is that other people are expendable. The core seven members of YE from last year (while that number may seem small and definitely insufficient) can handle a lot of crap that comes our way. We practically made the bracelets and headbands ourselves last year, minus the Form 4s (I hope none of them are reading this but what the heck; offend, offend, offend, that's all I ever do). I didn't want to join anything for Sports and Games Club but I was sort of just hanging out there and totally lost and it was either to continue doing that or give my name in to Damia and she was just right there and I just smiled at her and she didn't say anything, just held her hand out, like, "If you must." Rangers was faster to sign-up for, maybe because it's just for the Forms 4 and 5 and after that, it was just back to the class. So the first part of the day? Definitely A+ because Hanna, Nisa and I just hung around in the classroom and talked about stuff.

There's another new girl in our class and I don't know how to spell her name yet. Never mind. She's been invited into our Komsas group for BM. Speaking of BM (or rather, I was going to speak about BM, but then I thought about the new girl, so speaking of the new girl), we had that after the co-curricular activities sign-up, we had BM and we went to the Pusat Akses for some Komsas work. It was all right. I think the whole subjective thing requires more memorization, but I've never said no to memorizing stuff before. Just a matter of time. Recess was normal and same old and very boring, so thank God next week, I'll be off duty.

After recess was the very chill Mod Math lesson. I am beginning to enjoy these lessons greatly because for the love of God, it's so chill. And then we had Physics and while I did learn something, I doubt everyone in class completely got it and we spent an entire period drawing apparatuses in our notebooks. Waste of time? A little bit, but I'm not going to say no to wasting time either so it's all a matter of perspective, I guess. Never will the day come in which I say I enjoy our Physics classes (maybe next year?), but for now, we as a class will just have to find a way to deal.

Prefects meeting was a bucket of scolds and I guess after years of this, it's no skin off my back. I think this is great practice for when you get scolded at work in the future. Get scolded, get used to it, and by the end of my stint as a prefect, I'll probably be bulletproof. I'm also becoming more honest lately because I know that lying to the Top 3 will probably make them more mad than honestly owing up to your mistakes. It's not that I endorse this bucket of scolds thing. Far from it. I abhor it. But I tolerate it. Meeting dragged some so Aina and I were late to our first Tasawwur class. Here's a sob story: Ustazah Zubaidah forgot my name! Really, I mean, if we're talking about Agama, I was one of the best at that subject in Form 2. (All the years, really, if we're being honest.) So that class was about fifteen minutes. After that, I retreated to the PR, which was empty except for some last minute stragglers and Marks-File-checkers, and I had nothing else to do, so I cleaned the fuck out of that PR.

That's right. The cobwebs under the table? Gone, for the most part. The stuff under the chairs? Swept out. The weird tiny leaves sticking to the corners of the window sills? Wiped away. The dustpan and dustbin? Wiped as well. I wasn't thorough, but I tired my best. And that's all that matters.

Drama was a shock because I honestly didn't expect almost half the class gone for Foster the People. Like, what is it about that band that half the people of the class like so much? Okay, fine, so maybe if it wasThe Kills or St. Vincent, I would drop everything. (And if it was, like, Chris coming over for something, I would grab everything I have, drop those, and then go see him.) Qiu Yin and I basically had to run the whole thing because it was chaos and we were too outnumbered to sober up the situation. Oh, well. It was fine and basically, everything went off without a hitch. Who said Friday the thirteenth was a bad day?

(Still not a Good Day, though.)

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