The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Ladies First

Me: Your... ears are so cute.
Violet: ... I KNOW!

Me: You know what I like about second recess? It makes the day seem shorter. Like, because there're three subjects before and three after, instead of last year when it was four subjects after recess and that makes the day just drag.
Nisa: Yeah.
Me: I guess that's what they meant when they say time goes by faster when you're older.

Me: *something something* that was at the beginning of the year.
Nisa: Yeah. That was two days ago.

I've made a decision to stayback after school everyday until about four or three. The main reason is that I just don't want to go home to the prospect of homework. These days, first couple of days of school, I come home and flop down on the bed everyday and sleep at around nine. So I think it's probably for the best. Plus, I get to get shit done. Any extra prefects stuff and things like that. The traffic's also easier to navigate after two, mainly because there is no traffic to speak of. All around, I'm sticking this out for now and we'll see where this takes, well, me. Maybe I'm taking Thursdays off but we'll see first.

First week of school was... kind of bad, but I always say that without any regards to the year prior. I mean, I have no idea what happened around this time last year and frankly, at this point, I couldn't care less because I'm so tired. I assume I was also pretty tired pretty much all the time at the start of school last year as well but, like I said, who cares? That was then, this is now.

I forgot to mention on Wednesday (probably because I was so tired and I had that Darren post to edit and all) but I volunteered to be the English Rep for the class. If I had known it was going to be Madam K (again) who would be teaching us English, I'm not sure whether I would have made the same decision, but since that's irrelevant, I couldn't care less at the moment. Plus, after the placement test, they're going to shuffle everything around so she might not even remain teaching the class I'm in. I am not unhappy, though, because getting a teacher back always mean good things. And as an added bonus, Madam K really was the only other English teacher other than my Standard 6 teacher who made it a habit to compliment my writing. I have regressed, of course; I think the essay I had to write a few days back for English was horrific, but... like, whatever. See? I have vomited out my inner dictionary.

I can't remember whether this has been said or not but I am now the proud owner of the table behind Khairina and Zaza. And under the fan. This might just be the first year in which I'm able to see the board properly! And Khairina's hilarious, everyone knows that, and for some reason the two of them come up with the weirdest things to talk about. Layers. Big and small. Grammar.

There was a discipline talk on Thursday, so we had no BM for the day. God bless. Physics is going to be a thorn in the side, not because the subject itself is terrible so far (and to be honest, I think I got off on the wrong foot with Physics because my Dad has been teaching it to me all these years and then the first ever Physics reference book I happen to read is the worst one money could buy, so I would like to remain ever the optimist and say that for now, I am neutral on the subject. Word of warning, though: don't buy Sasbadi reference books.) but you've got to admit our teacher's a bit... Well, I guess it's another year of Form 2 Math then and I survived that year and I soldiered on and all of that, so I don't see why I can't do it again this year. And our timetable's expected to change. I don't see why we can't get a new Physics teacher out of that mess. We've yet to have a Chemistry class because our teacher was absent on the day of the first class, and we have Pn Yong for Biology and it's been an okay first class so... we'll see.

May I just confess my boiling hate for Thursdays? We have Phys, Chem and Bio on that day. And Math. I don't think my teeny tiny bag is made for that kind of heavy loading. My shoulders were numb by the end of the day, and I went home at four that day, minus a lunch, so coming home was the best thing that had happen to me that day. The following day, Friday, was kinder, timetable-wise. We didn't have Add Math because of Pn Ilani's retirement. I was actually hoping to be taught by her sometime, since everyone seems to speak highly of her. A lot of last year's seniors came to the ceremony. I guess I'll just have to settle for waving at her if I ever pass by her house one of these days. She lives, like, diagonally across from me. We have no Civics teacher, which was second period, and our relief teacher (I forgot her name) seemed pissed off at the world and kept telling us to shut up with no threat behind it whatsoever. I just concentrated on reading up the Prefects Guidebook, because apparently rumors ran around that we were going to have a 'test' at meeting that day.

BM was okay. I mean, I know the teacher and she seems nice and all. I have no doubts that she can be scary if she so chooses, because everyone's capable of that, even Cik Ili last year, so I'm not going to run around trying to cross any one of my teachers or anything. BM isn't going to be a favorite subject of mine, ever, and I know that that in itself is the problem. I overcame my difficulties with most of my other subjects because I told myself that I didn't hate said subjects, I liked them, and they would be useful for my future, chanted it like a mantra, and it helped some. With BM, I know I hate it, I know I don't like it, and I definitely know it won't be useful for the future, and it's a lot of hatred to overcome. Plus, the year's novel isn't currying any favors. It's so terrible.

I hate duty at the labs. There aren't even any classes learning anything in there so I don't see why I have to keep a look out. I hate it so much. I seem to be full of a lot of hate lately. Maybe I should do something to remedy that. I'll get back to this. But back to what I was saying, I can't believe I'm going to have to duty there, at the labs, for my birthday. Worst. After recess for Friday is shaping up to be awesome sauce, though, and God, here's to hoping I never use that phrase ever again. Awesome for the first schedule, at least. We have to shimmy off to the Bio labs for the second schedule.

As it turns out, we had a mini test for the meeting after all, and in a rare feat of things that have never happened and probably will never happen again, the teachers had little to nothing to do with the meeting at all, they just sat there. Prayer circle that this is a running trend for the year. I wanted to be bell ringer for second recess so bad because anything to get away from the labs a couple of seconds earlier. Unfortunately, no one volunteered for the morning bells. I didn't want to prolong the silence because I hate silence and bell ringing is bell ringing, so say hello to the ringer of the morning bells: yours truly!

Other than the fact that Hanna has shingles and I'm thinking of celebrating my Sweet Sixteen at the zoo, there's not much for me to add. In addition to growing older, I am also proud to sit here and admit to the fact that I managed to finish all of my homework at eleven o'clock this morning. Congratulatory presents are accepted in the form of time travel machines so I can go to August of this year and read The Land of Stories. Or maybe the end of the year so I can watch Struck By Lightning because I have no idea when that's coming out. You can leave the time travel machine in front of my house and knock on my door four times!

I am greatly looking forward to it!

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