The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Hell Is So Hot Right Now

Wednesday will forever be known as that day that we had to suffer through about five hours of no electricity. You'd think, pah, but that's only five hours. Some people live their whole lives without electricity. You would be right. The unfortunate thing here might not be the fact that we had no electricity itself, but the rather unavoidable fact that us city kids really can't put up a happy face anymore when the lights and the fans don't run. So I'll categorize it as a definite bad day. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that's the other side of things. After weeks of having semi-nothing days filled with both good and bad, Wednesday is unequivocal in its badness.

And it all started out so innocently, too. After battling intense hatred for this one girl in my relief class for not managing to hand in a simple Borang Maklumat Murid on time (a combo of forgetting to bring it and absence), I finally managed to heave a sigh of relief when she finally gave it to me and I explained away all my problems to Esther. And then we had PE which was... well, it was aerobics, so really, it was a disaster in the making. Not saying that each and every PE class isn't a natural disaster in the making for me, but just saying that aerobics, as a thing, probably yields worse results than things like, say, handball or softball or something.

And it was a disaster, but the important thing here is that it was an expected disaster. And it was fun as well, so there was that. During Islamic Studies, which was our next lesson, Ustazah told us about how there was going to be a blackout from ten until seven and we all thought she was joking. "You think this is a fairytale?" she asked us, only in BM. And I've got to admit, it didn't really... sink in until later. Much later. But not that later. During Mod Math, we got permission to decorate the class after we copied down our notes and stuff. Halfway through cutting leaves, Nisa pointed out that it was already past ten and the electricity was still up and running.

Of course, a few minutes later was the blackout.

What followed was disaster, on a much larger scale than aerobics during a PE class. Physics was... I'm surprised no one ended up crying. We just did module papers but for the most part, it didn't change the fact that our teacher can't teach, so that was horrible. Everyone in the lab was rowdy and restless and making a hell of a lot of noise than was necessary for such a hot and humid situation such as that. Nisa got pissed and screamed at the class to shut up and our teacher just continued to stare blankly at what I assume was the back of the lab. When the period was over, everyone was more than happy to go.

Go back to class. I suppose I've made this comparison before, but being in a cabin class really is like being a sardine in a tin of sardines. Packed, with so much goo and ick in between, and about a million other people sharing your breathing space and breathing on you. Cik Tan just talked, I think. I can't remember. I think she offered to let us go to the canteen and I was all for leaving the classroom, but most people weren't interested. The last subject of the day was English, which for some reason, the school's doing in block classes, so I shimmied off to 4SC. I can't say I'm happy about the arrangement.

I can't say I'm happy about the teacher or the classmates, although things definitely do seem better than being in 4SA and enduring Madam K's erratic teaching patterns. I can't say I'm happy to be in a class with Pri again, because I miss her and all, but seriously. Not really what I need at this particular moment in time. I can say that I'm happy to sit next to Divyia and have her in the class, even if I still get mad when I think about certain evens of last year that weren't her fault at all. So there you go.

Halfway through English, the lights came back on and the students of Sri Aman gave an almighty cheer. It's easier than you might think to get us to be all united and stuff. Maybe this blackout method will work in regards to racial integration as well. Or we might all end up killing each other. The trick is, I think, in the manipulation of the duration of the blackout. Five hours was perfect. Not too long, but hell, it was long enough.

It rained in the afternoon and carried on into the evening a bit. That was nice.

The next day started off with English, which was fun and all right, I guess. Pri showed Divyia and I this drawing of Foster the People that Nadhrah did, which I've seen online before then. Nadhrah's, like, really good (for lack of better words). I volunteered to read the poem we're currently studying aloud, since no one else raised their hands. I really don't want to seem like That Douchebag who thinks she's better than everyone (not again) but I was thinking that if I were in 4SA, I would've volunteered as well. So I'll just stick to what I think I can do: recite!

Then we had BM, and then Islamic Studies, and then recess. I've been surprised at myself this year. Apparently, I eat now. Not often or all the time or anything. Just occasionally. When the mood strikes. I'm thinking it either has to do with the fact that I now own a wallet or it's just the fact that the canteen no longer sells Coke and coffee, which is a travesty, if you asked me. They have, like, cappuccino machines in Dalton or something (not that I particularly like cappuccino - it's the principle of the thing). I also find it weird that Nisa doesn't spend recess with her Form 2 classmates anymore, but who am I to comment? 

After recess on Thursdays sound bad in theory, and it's really worse in real time. It all started with Mod Math, which was all right, because I don't think Pn. Jamilah is really capable of annoying anyone, really. And then we had Bio followed by Physics, which sounds bad in theory, and it's really so, so, so much worse than what it sounds like. I think our Physics teacher cried. I felt like crying. I didn't learn anything from either lessons. All around, it was just bad.

Nisa came over to my house after Bola Baling. Yes, I have apparently weaseled my way into the Bola Baling club this year. But after the first meeting, in which we... played handball, I've decided to quit. I'm taking marks from Blue House and taking Thursdays off. I think that in the grand scheme of things, this doesn't matter at all. But back to what I was saying. Nisa had this thing she needed to finish, an article for some PRS thing or another about how to be a good student. She had originally asked me to write it and I agreed but then a little later on she said she could do it if I didn't want to, and of course I didn't want to, so where I was going with this is that Nisa ended up at my house on Thursday evening, attempting to write an article on how to be a good student the day before the article was due.

She didn't get far. That's not embarrassing. What is embarrassing is that Nisa brought her laptop and she told me how she had downloaded the week's Glee and I... sort of watched it. Well, not really. Just the performances and I really missed Sam so I watched some of his scenes on mute. I told Elia that I was going to wait for that LJ that links to Kurt-only scenes of an episode to update, and Elia told me that she's starting not to care about the characters either. "Another couple got engaged," Elia told me. And I said, "Wait, don't tell me Finn and Rachel." And of course I was joking. Of course.

But life is cruel. That was really terrible, though. I don't care if some people cried or anything, that was like a really badly written fanfiction. I couldn't even sit through the proposing scene in the auditorium even though I knew what was coming. Why am I still talking about this? This is taking up my precious time.

Friday started with Add Math. The day before, after Nisa had left, I read up a little on what we were supposed to study for Add Math that day and it was glorious because I felt like the only person in an otherwise cricket-sounds-making classroom of people who understood what teacher was teaching. And then we did some Bio work for Civics, which I still don't get. The Bio work, I mean. The PEKA. I wish we could have just copied 4SC's papers because Jing Kai was great and all, but I still don't get like most of it. Woe. We had Biology after recess, followed by Mod Math, followed by a shortish prefects meeting because I had to leave for Tasawwur, followed by a small YE shindig in the canteen with pizzas, followed by hanging out with Esther of all people in the PR until 3.30 and we surprisingly never ran out of things to talk about, followed by home.

And I really just want to end this post, oh, my God.

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