The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

we sleep with shadows but we never give them bread

so because of the fact that my sister and my parents are at odds with each other, she's saying that there's no way she's taking me to wicked if my parents are going to come along as well. and how can they not come if they a) have to send me to johor in the first place because b) there's no way they would let me go there alone by plane or bus.

all right and now she's not answering my calls even though i told her that if she did this for me, i'll vacuum her carpets. yeah i was real about that. we don't even have a functional vacuum. at least i don't think so because i haven't heard one in a while.

so i am stuck in the middle here and what am i expected to do? watch my parents cry every day over how their daughter doesn't want to talk to them and then when it comes to me, the both of them are totally as passive aggressive as it gets? carry the burden of the fact that my twenty-seven, soon to be twenty-eight, year old sister is a full grown adult who can't handle conflict? this is stupid. familial problems are stupid.

should've thought about all of that first before making it my problem and making it part of my life. now you've got me stuck in the middle here, the mediator no one actually talks to, and i am not happy that i am not getting what i want. what i want is to go see wicked.

and what i'm going to get to do is go see wicked.

and if plan a fails, there's 25 other letters in the alphabet.

you are a grown ass woman. settle your own shit and don't bring your fifteen year old sister into this.

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