The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Empathy, Or Lack Thereof

Has anyone else had the Adele mashup on repeat for the last four hours? 
-Chris Colfer
First of all, there's been camp. I've never had a Great Camp Experience before so I'm hoping to get one of those before I die. Basically, this camp could have been fun but the only thing standing in the way of me and fun was myself. I wouldn't say I deeply regretted it, nor would I say that I had the time of my life being an antisocial. I would say that despite being annoyed out of this century and into the next, I did learn a lot about my friends. My lovely, lovely friends.

Look, it's not like I actually asked for any of this. I mean, it's all right for now that Nisa thinks I'm the worst thing to ever step on the face of the planet. It's all right now that Hanna doesn't pay the same courtesy I do to her. And it's all right if people think I'm doing them all a disservice by being honest. It's fine for now but one day, it's all just going to blow up in all of our faces, like that thing with Afreena in Form 1 and once again, I'll be stuck in the eye of the storm and people are going to look at me weirdly because instead of showing any signs of sympathy or empathy or whatever, I'll be laughing. Nisa is of the opinion that what we did to Afreena was one of the meanest things she has ever done in her life.

I'm of the opinion that you should break what you want to fix. Be mean in order to be nice. And it worked, didn't it? It was uncomfortable for a long time afterwards but fact of the matter is that there really was no other solution to the problem. Honesty was the only solution and for many, many, many more years to come, it will remain as the only solution. Frankly I'm sick and tired of people not realizing this. Blanket lies are fine as long as they don't hold any consequences whatsoever. And I was talking about camp and now look where we are. 

Well, nothing I can do. I can change the little things about certain people. Things that they're willing to let me change because they've seen the destruction those things can cause. Humans, right? If they don't see the error of their ways plain as day in front of their very eyes with all its side-effects, they're unlikely to admit to their mistakes. So I'm staying and I'm going to keep doing what I do and in the process, I'll learn stuff and I'll keep them. What other people do is, funny enough, none of my darn business. 

I missed my cat while I was away. There was this other cat at camp, small little kitten that I got Xueh Wei to pet. I miss it now but then again, two days is hardly enough to build an emotional connection. Coming back home was surreal. It was like coming back to myself. And my fort. My maid didn't take it down yet and it's still, to this day and this very minute, up. So you know where I've been sleeping for the past two nights. Sadly, I think I'm going to have to take it down soon. I haven't cleaned anything in something like five days and who knows what might have started to nest in there.

Tomorrow, then.

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