The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Want

So ends another painfully awkward day. To be honest, I am just finding excuses to write all up in here because, well, I miss it and it was kind of a lonely week without you, blog. Ah me. Anyways, it'll be up all weekend long because that is the purpose of weekends (to make you forget about school and all of that) and when I get home on Monday, I'll revert to that layout that doesn't show posts again. 

Speaking of the purposes of weekends, here's what Thivyaa's bottle has to say on the matter: karaok (it was spelled that way), shopping, clubbing, cards, beer, mid night shows, buffet. Now I don't know about you, but I am ready for the weekend! Also, buffet! I'm already kind of depressed at the prospect of yet another Monday with yet another Assembly to slave over but that, as they say, is life. 

Today was that day in which they give you the co-curricular activities book and you're expected to smash yourself into the smaller-than-you-think Gallery to join the throng of more-people-than-you-think people. Since I barely went for netball practices (and by barely, I meant, I didn't go at all), I wasn't about to show face for that. So instead, got my marks for Girl Guides, YE and Blue. I think Blue's kind of still butt hurt over the loss and so's Violet for some reason because I don't know what she's complaining about, her house won. Actually, a lot of people were complaining about the unfairness of the marks-giving system, especially for the house teams, as certain people who did a hell of a lot to contribute received the same marks as those who didn't contribute at all. Well, I say forget about it, because it's August and that was, like, totally two months ago and is therefore, a thing of the past.

If only I could treat my grudges with this sort of perspective, right? Ah, but sadly that seems not to be the case. At any rate, YE marks were good, Girl Guides marks were disappointing considering how much I wasted my time going to those stupid meetings just to sing. But whatever. District level for that, at least. And, yeah, Blue house. Okay, so that was the first part of today and now what? 

It feels very sucky over at Tumblr nowadays. I can't help but realize how the people there are sort of like really, really messed up, each in their own little way and I probably wouldn't have thought of this at all if I hadn't become as active as I had but seriously, all of messes the users of Tumblr have created for themselves are downright ridiculous and they get worse everyday. I wish Tumblr could be my safe place, my happy place, but it's more like the place I go to when I want to see the worst humanity has to offer. And that shouldn't be taken as an insult by anyone, least of all you, dearest reader, because I am as much apart of the community as anyone else, really. Although it's unfair of me to ask everyone not to take offense. That was pretty offensive. So just... take it with a grain of salt, I guess? 

Studying has, yup, gone all right. A lot of things are going all right actually. So, you know, hungry and all, but overall, not bothered by most of it. Oh, Nisa is a bother, sure, and you'd think she just couldn't bother me any more than she already has, but her entire existence is a contradiction to that assumption. And some other people. I have been enjoying the company of Lady Face lately, she's lovely. And just about every other person I know. Not much Hanna around, though, so hoping to remedy that after the month comes to a close.

And as my fingers ghost over the keys and the notes drift serenely across my thoughts, heaven sent, I can't help but wonder whether I should go along with the plan. It's the thought, always the thought, that counts, but I'd rather not be that loser who loves someone too much when it's plain and obvious to see that the opposite is not true.

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