The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, August 27, 2011


"You just don't like things that are overly commercialized." 

Hm. Point. I don't know. I mean, it's not like I am any less annoying about my fangirling. I just don't honestly know. I guess it's the case of these kind of things actually mean hard work and effort for me - staying up till odd hours in the night, finding download links that were clear enough to GIF, taking the initiative to strike a conversation with other fans. For others, though, for certain others... it's like these things just fall into their laps. They don't actively search for it, they're spoon fed it and whatever is being shoved in their faces is whatever they're going to end up consuming that day.

So after hard work, after blood, sweat and tears and long nights of trying to stay awake, I just find it a breach of the fandom's sanctity whenever someone else admits to being a fan and it's such a terrible, terrible habit, I know. I shouldn't. I really shouldn't feel this way at all because I don't have a right. I am standing as tall as everyone else (and shorter, in a literal sense). It's not like I'm on some higher moral ground than everyone else. So this, just like my mostly present misanthropy, is really bad. 

I don't quite mind if you say you like something I like. Just don't fangirl over it like you think you're fangirling harder than I am. And I understand that we could do it together, but we don't use the same medium for fandom, and everyone knows that. 

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