The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

i don't have to explain to her that i wasn't dead

she set me down and lit some colored candles over my head,

it's the little things that we forget about first.

like i was cleaning the surau today and i thought, wow, a little bit of a memory coming back here! because i remember when ustazah told us to give away all these bunga telurs from the majlis khatam qur'an to the other teachers and we went to the staff room and back and god. what did we talk about? because it seemed like such a long time ago and why does this have to happen like this, you know?

i mean, in retrospect, i realized that it wasn't all at once. it wasn't this big boom. it started slowly. you first. stop. hel. stop. you. stop. her. stop. nothing. stop. maze. stop. maybe something. stop. and it goes on and on and who's to blame, really?

it's the little things that we forget about first. and that's just sad.

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