The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Fall To The Wayside

In case you missed it, I've made some random posts here and there even with the previous no-posts layout so here they are: The Long Way, Interlude 40, A Brief Reprieve From The D, A Brief Reprieve From The B, Smoke and Mirrors (read this, seriously; I actually love where I went with this).

Saturday nights in neon lights
Sunday in the cell

My sister came home. I felt like crap from the events of Friday and I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was facing my trials. We broke fast outside and that was fun because you can never go wrong with food (plus, nothing bad happened. I didn't end up crying! Which is just as well, really, because I wasted my tears on Friday already and that's just fine by me). I did get some studying in but by night time I was already so tired, it was a the biggest luxury ever to be able to sink my head into the pillows and just drift off. Sunday morning made me feel like crap because I kept promising myself that I would study earlier and I ended up starting at 11 or something, I think. That's almost an entire morning wasted doing, what, reading fanfiction or something. Luckily for yours truly, there weren't many good fanfiction updates or recs that  week. Thank God for that, is all I have to say. Studied, slept and switched locations sporadically, because I've been kind of on-and-off sick the past week and sitting under the AC or fan makes me lightheaded and sleepy and worst of all, sneezy. 

Monday's child has learned to tie his bootlace

Started off with "assembly". School, your inefficiency is showing. First the Form 3s weren't supposed to go to Assembly, and then it was just the prefects and then they shooed us away. Divyia, for some strange reason probably only known to her, volunteered for GOD. She's not in my group. Whatever on that. Monday was English and Science. Both of which seemed okay at the time but upon reflection, sucked. Science, especially. And I guess English, too, but that's probably because I have and probably never will take that paper seriously. Whatever I can scrape by with is spectacularly good news to my ears because it really doesn't matter, at the end of the day, does it? Not when all my friends are committing the most heinous of grammar offences day in and day out. So come what may, English, you and your sorry excuse for a paper will probably never get my attention. As for Science and, well, the other subjects, I'm fairly confident I'm decent in those. Maths makes me a bit nervous sometimes but I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I? 

Tuesday came and I feigned happiness

Started off with the okay and totally acceptable Islamic Studies paper, which was cute in a few spots and just annoying everywhere else. I mean, I did study. I did cram. Nothing I studied really seemed to make a difference in my answering the paper, though. But I guess I did give it my proverbial "all" and I "couldn't have done better, if I do say so myself". That's followed by thirty seconds of the stupidity that is Civics but at the very least, the teacher this year is pretty lax. I mean, for the past two years, I've been getting Civics teachers that had serious cases of PMS. I spent the next hour and a half or so before Geography crapping (ish) and not really studying properly and Sabrina, Pri and I came up with a pretty neat cheating system that Pri and I later on semi-used. Oh, don't worry so much over it. We're not becoming delinquents. I, at least, have no intention of becoming one. But cheating systems are fun! Wink, wink. 

And by Wednesday, I can't sleep

Wednesday was just Maths and it was fun. There was this one question, number 16, I think, for the first paper, that had everyone mind fucked. Turns out the question was wrong and Encik Alias had to give back the paper later on so we could fix it. Lucky, too, because I found I had mixed up questions 7 and 8. Anyways, most people had probably put C for number 16, because it was the closest to the original answer, but Nisa had some crazy idea that you couldn't buy half a metre of anything (the question was about a couple of metres of ribbons) so she answered D, which was the actual answer after the question was changed. She wanted to tell Encik Alias that she didn't need the paper back but decided against it. But, anyways, she told me she was smiling so hard, she stared at Nazureen and Nazureen smiled back and Nisa was wondering, "Why the heck was this girl smiling? She doesn't have a reason to." And that really didn't make any sense but I have no other stories or anecdotes to share about Wednesday. It really was quite lackluster. 

Thursday doesn't even start

Which is today! And after hours upon hours of studying KH, we finally took our last trial paper at 12.20 and what a relief! I really believe there was no more I could have done for KH, except for maybe more exercises, but by 10, everyone was already so sick of studying and putting things into their brains, people started falling asleep left and right. 

I had plans, I had ideas and I had hopes but in the end, they were all in vain. Anyways, it's not like anything bad happened. It's more like I should really stop thinking that my life's going to change any time soon. It's not. 

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