it's not over because
And that's the best secret of it all. I don't hate the series. I am not unattached to it. I have contained everything so very deeply within me that it's no longer something external. I don't talk about it like I need it to be my life anymore because it already is. Like I said, everything I do, I do because of the series. Because of the lessons and the moral values taught in the books.
I can't really believe it. But at the same time, it doesn't feel like a part of me's going to just suddenly go missing, out of the blue. It's because I've lived with this for so long, so long that it's already become a part of me, that I can just imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I am sorry, for whatever it's worth, for belittling anyone else's experiences, because I am not the pioneer of everything right in the fandom, nor am I a BNF. I claim no rights whatsoever to anything remarkable that happened in the fandom, in fact, I barely contributed. But it was more of the fact that I was there. More of the fact that I lived through it and breathed it and went through it everyday that it became routine, just part of my day to day life.
It never ends. It'll stay with me until the end of time itself and that's probably why I just don't feel the pressure, the finality. It's just like any ordinary Potter movie, with the exception that it isn't, and I am content to watch it many, many times and have a very grand Potter marathon after PMR.
Also a Bollywood movie marathon.
The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.
Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.