The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Blindsided


(Indiscernible source).

Me: An eye for an eye makes the world go round. Or blind. It's one of those.

Nisa: Would you rather be a homo or a hobo?
Me: ... You didn't really think this question through, now did you? 
Nisa: No. Oh, well, would you rather be a homo with no legs or a hobo with two extra legs?

Today was really hot and it was only towards the end of the day when I figured that it was because I was wearing my Guides uniform, which had the scarf thing. From the start, today wasn't really what I would deem a "good day" because I forgot my nametag and logo badge but no one really seemed to notice. And then halfway through English, I realized that I couldn't find my History exercise book so I must have left it at home. It wasn't all that bad. Cik Ili offered me a fair conclusion in regards to the PEKA problem. There was a lot of drama here and there and I probably committed more sins than it was really worth. But all in all, not as bad as yesterday. 

I might not have mentioned this but I cried a lot yesterday. Okay, so I think I did. But I cried some more when I got home. I can blame it on the hormones, I guess, but at around 9, when I was preparing to go to bed after finishing like a thousand pounds worth of homework and my Dad just came home from buying groceries, my brother got mad at me for no Goddamn reason. Or he had a reason, but he didn't express it clearly enough and I got super tired and pissed and just went to bed crying. He's really an asshole. I mean, I say this about everyone but I thought that lately, things were okay between my brother and I. Apparently not because that is really hypocritical. He didn't let me explain anything first. And then when he drank my Coke for AGM that time and I just raised my voice a little bit (to show my irritation because, seriously, I expressly said don't drink it), he got mad at me. And his mad is kind of a scary mad, like he's gonna hit you mad. Like, abusive husband mad (not that I have one of those but, TV shows, y'know). And then he bought me a new one but too bad someone else (and I can only blame either him or Iza for this, you know) drank a little bit of that as well. Freaking asshole. 

History was pretty interesting. Luckily, I didn't burden my mother with bringing the exercise book all the way to school. And then I got home and I got to go out and see Maze for the first time since... the Friday before last and then I settled a lot of scores and did a lot of homework. It was an okay day. It's not over yet, of course, so I won't just chalk it off as a good, tears-free day, but please let me have just today off. 

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