The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

And On the Second Day

Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.
-Charles Reade.

Quotes now. For the heck of it. (Because remember pictures before post and then everybody started doing it? Yeah, I'm bored.)

I have given up all on all sense of propriety entirely. Monday, I tried. Nobody can say I didn't. I was slightly miffed that they had classified visual learners as excellent students, audiovisual learners as geniuses and kinesthetic learners as, well, the rest, because I bet half the audiovisuals and visuals need to confirm with me on the spelling of kinesthetic (which, by the way, why is there a red line underneath it?). I didn't raise my voice louder than necessary and I actually paid attention wherever I saw it worth it to pay attention. And I even told some of the people around me to pretend to pay attention so we wouldn't be disrespecting the short dude who conducted the seminar.

I don't think they thought out the whole thing through, properly. It's not really that smart of an idea to cramp up two hundred people in a hall with barely-there ceilings and terrible ventilation in a lovely and humid Southeast Asian country on a lovely and humid day for six hours. And to have three question-answering technique sessions. And we sit on the floor. I now sport a lovely rash on my forearm, courtesy of the weather, my blazer and my body's unfortunate proclivity for perspiration. Eh, I guess Pn Rachel's talk wasn't all that boring. It went downhill from there, don't worry. 

It's a slightly terrible sequence of events I'm going through now. I used to have time to just... well, not do anything and it seems all I've ever been doing for these past two days is something. No more wandering aimlessly around the house, talking to myself (I am not crazy), no more going on quests to seek out my cat, Fluffy, no more holing myself up in my room to reread my text messages (okay, you caught me, I still did that today for, like, ten minutes). I have to stop and wonder sometimes as to why exactly I'm putting myself in this misery but I- I, well, I owe it to myself. It's the very least I can do, after what I've been subjecting my emotions and mind to lately. It's the least I can do not to leave it all up in the air, although I will concede that that's a very "me" thing to do.

I was fasting today, and after last night's midnight oil burning, it was one heck of a rough day keeping the old eyelids open throughout the day. I managed to do the very least I could have done on the studying scale, which is at least more than what I've been doing for the past several months, so I would like to pat myself on the back for that. I fell asleep halfway through Maths and while I'm not sure anything I learned really stuck, I am proud to announce that I've (at least) finished the entire Form 3 syllabus. Or, you know, I think so. I woke up at 7.22, in record time, and now I'm wondering whether I should care about my untouched homework or not. 

Speaking of school, which is what I've been doing on and off for a few paragraphs now, I have found a nice little rhythm in studying History. First, I'll study at night and then during recess duty, I'll pace to and fro in front of the labs, reciting things I've already memorized the night prior. It only works when I'm on recess duty, and I've yet to decide on what to do when I'm not, but for the moment, I like it because it works quite well and my memory likes it, too. I don't know about you, but I've been alive and well for fifteen (ish) years and for the past nine, I've been learning and I required absolutely none of that "what type of learner are you?" thing from Monday. My cousin told me I was a visual learner once and she told me to Google it but I forgot and then I just kept calm and carried on studying however the heck I have always studied, and things worked itself out. 

I think it's the fact that I just work for it, if I put my mind to it properly. 

English writing tip of the day! (Because a few months ago, someone asked me how to write better and I've been developing more advice to give to people because regardless of what your English teacher or your parents say, most of you write terribly, nothing personal). When writing something on the computer (example: the blog, or Facebook, if you're more inclined to that), try using big words you think you know the meaning of and then highlight it and Google search it to make sure. I've been doing that for ages now and it really helps not only in expanding my vocabulary, but in making sure that a) the word is used properly and b) it's spelled properly, too. I've found that some people like to use big words (on and off) and they use it incorrectly in regards to the sentence. Syntax, people. Look it up. (By the way, I lied - this is not a daily thing, like, at all).

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