The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Suck It and See

This was originally an Interlude but it kind of got long.

I really want to reach a thousand posts and I really want to reach it as soon as possible. May was a very disappointing month for me. I think it's because of the whole "golly gee whiz, I might be getting depressed again" thing but regardless, it's still disappointing. So I'll talk about my week!

On Monday, I went to Amcorp and it was a good day, considering I had money and bought like a shitload of Dazed & Confused and also, the Warblers CD because I've been waiting for it for a very long time. This is what I wrote in my Tumblr regarding buying original things, like CDs and DVDs and what have yous: When I really like a band or an artist or heck even an actor, I feel really giddy when I buy their stuff, their original stuff, because I know that some of the money that I pay will end up with them in some twisted, non-linear way even if it’s just a couple of cents and I can’t help but imagine that when they buy breakfast or something, I helped pay for that. Even if it’s just, you know a cent. Half a cent. Whatever.

So, yeah, when Darren buys breakfast, I helped pay for that. You are welcome.

And then drama class and that was fun. Although, it seems rather odd that I can't remember what happened but whatever. I'm sure everything went as smoothly as it could because I would have remembered something if it were a trainwreck, after all. I also can't remember what I did when I got home but I certainly remember Tuesday morning! I was bored as fuck and I just listlessly walked around the house, pretending to care that I have homework and a major examination to sit for while in my head, I'm just trying to figure out how to play I'll Be There For You on the piano. I got the intro down but the rest sounded horrible. So I think I might need to resort to YouTube. Not that, you know, I'm doing this for any particular reason. Just bored.

At first, I had big plans for Hanna's birthday present but then I gave up on Plan A so I decided Plan B would be good: learn to play that Bruno Mars song about counting or whatever on the piano and then play it and sing it for her at school. But then I realized that I didn't have the song in my iPod and why would I? And so I was too lazy to a) download it and b) try to even care about a song that I don't really care about so I let it be and went on to Plan C (I'll Be There For You) and gave up on that as well. Might as well. It's not like she gave me her birthday present or anything. (There was a Plan D, but it was slightly embarrassing and ended horribly so whatever.)

Wednesday was a good day and I really don't want to go into why. My mother spent all her money out on RM400 makeup (a hundred percent free of animal testing, though, so there's that!) and three pairs of (not ugly, but somewhat deformed looking) shoes. I really should learn how to phrase my sentences so that I'd sound nicer, especially when I'm talking about my parents, but really, she blew like, what?, seven hundred that day and all I got was lunch.

And today I fasted. That was fun. I went out of my room at ten to scavenge the fridge for breakfast before I realized that, oops, yes, was not supposed to be eating. So I stayed in my room the whole day, alternating between reading magazines, reading fanfiction, sleeping and doing necessary everyday things. Tonight was fun because I slept some more and then I figured out what to wear this weekend (there's a wedding going on somewhere). And if I'm not mistaken, Hanna's sleeping over tomorrow. I'm gunning for a Season 1 Glee marathon but life doesn't always agree with what I gun for, so we'll have to see.

I've been downloading so much stuff lately.

And note to anyone reading, there is never ever a correct way to use the word "stuffs" unless you use it as a verb, like, "She stuffs the turkey every Thanksgiving." So, really, stop. Please. (And as a sidenote, I finally learned how to use "whom" properly today. Don't laugh at me because you probably don't know either and even if you do, it's probably wrong. Suck it and see, guys.)

Anyways, downloading so much lately and it's annoying me that 1 hour left never moves down to 59 minutes left or anything like that. It just stays that way. 1 hour left. Fuck, that is annoying. I planned on doing so many things during the holidays like start on my scrapbook and watch all these TV shows and download a shitload of new music and basically just ignoring studying but then something inside me goes “hey wait you should be studying” so I really end up a) not doing all of the things I planned and b) not studying so it’s like I’m procrastinating on procrastinating.

I hate holidays. And the streak of people not picking up the phone when I most need them continues.

I wanted to put a picture in this post but um.

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