The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Interlude: Respect

You might have forgotten everything 
but I still remember. 

So talk to me about respect. Talk to me about how much you respect yourself and I'll just nod because we both know it's not true. My life's cracking so much that I really don't need this, one other reminder that fantasy and reality are starting to collide more and more often. I guess the problem here is the fact that I can't let go. No, not you. I let go of you a long time ago. I just can't let go of the memories. So I'll stand here and we'll have a silent conversation about respect because that's what this tug of war's really about, isn't it? 

I haven't found it in me to respect people for themselves, so I guess this makes my job today a whole lot easier. But I respect talent, and I know talent when I see it. To throw that away, to throw something God gave you away, and for what? Seems like a waste to me. And I do not want to respect your talent for choosing the wrong things (and the wrong people) in your life. 

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