The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, June 13, 2011

I Don't Care If Monday's Blue

So the day trudged on in a very dull pace, despite my high spirits upon returning to school. No one shared my enthusiasm at 6.30 in the morning, apparently, and it's quite sad considering the fact that I hate practically everything and can still get up and smile and shit. Sigh. Last night was kind of a tough one, both emotionally and phone-bills wise, so let's not bother me with memories of that ever again. 

I was so proud of my NiE I just felt the need to show it off and show it off I did. I think Gloria and Divyia are in love with me. I am way all right with that. I can either ask them to pay for the printing or get them to give me a compliment a day. Decisions, decisions. It shouldn't amount to much, anyways - the printing. If it's split five-ways then I reckon it's only going to be... barely on par with a compliment a day.

Assembly was me running around all over the Goddamn place helping Pn. A with some SPM retake thing. Admittedly, it was a shitty way to start off and get... reacquainted with the school. I would much rather sit in the hall (well, stand, actually) and listen to boring speeches. But I got wrangled in! And some girl almost fainted or something. Public school drama - really not worth your money. Anyways, the campaign officially starts today - the one for Head Girl - and they're switching it up stupid style this year and having the candidates have one speech during assembly each instead of an introductory speech and a speech spread out between them each morning. They're still doing recess though. I have narrowed down my selections for two people and while you may side eye me all you want, I don't care, because contrary to popular belief, I really do know that I don't know what I'm doing. 

We actually had History, but just for a little while. And then it was off to recess. I've never seen candidate speeches during recess before. It looks like fun, it looks like chaos and it looks like I'll never ever see one in the light of day. And then we had something and we learned or something? Oh, right, English. How proud am I that I was the only person (well, group) (it was a team effort) who finished the entire fucking NiE project? Very proud. I shall boast my ass off. I deserve the bragging rights because I am that fabulous. Also, my English marks kind of suck but what kind of literature education maps out every little fucking detail? They're doing English all ass backwards at these government schools. It's making my blood boil sometimes but I really don't think I care all that much anymore, considering all I need to do is look around me and realize, "Oh, fuck that. I am better." It's a confidence that took about all of my fifteen years to develop. But I am damn proud of it. 

And then we had two free periods after Science because Encik A. and Ustazah didn't come in! Nadiah is illuminating. Some times I can tell she just wants to brag but she always reigns it in. I wonder how she does it, darn. Gotta take pointers and whatnot. Well, Pn. A came in for BM but she was just talking a lot and I read Chamber of Secrets so all in all, not that bad. YE was fabulous, though, especially considering the fact that Fed-Ex or whatever Challenge Workshop or whatever it's called is on Wednesday and I get to skip yet another day of school and maybe Girl Guides as well, if we have that. Fun, fun, fun. On the damper side, I really have no clue what's going on with blue house's aerobics. Are we even on? I am just going to go tomorrow. I expect more scoldings, of course, but I have done nothing wrong, like, at all. Except for maybe the whole apathy thing but hey, at least I showed up a time or two. 

I'm not up to talk about the events that took place after school. Some more heavy stuff. I hate this month. I really, really hate it. I know my mom's birthday is on Monday and all but I really hate this month. I wanted to do a Harry Potter countdown post thingy but I am so shockingly tired that I think I'll just drop and die (after dinner, of course).

Violet asked me to babysit her bean seeds for her. Fuck that, Violet, those bugs growing and gnawing at the seeds are going to take over my whole fucking house.

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