The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fourteen



Here's a confession: I can sink into it again like going to bed after a long and tiring day of manual labor but I chose not to. It's a bit confusing, especially because I just look around me and everywhere I go, I see people excited, sure, but this is personal for me. 

It's personal for me because I don't really think... I don't really know how to put it in words. I mean, you know those questions where they ask you if you're holding onto two people at the edge of a cliff and you can only let go of one person? Well, if I had Chris Colfer in one hand and my collective experiences with Harry Potter in another, I would not hesitate to think about which to drop. 

I like playing the high and mighty card, as loathe as I am to say so, because people can say things like it doesn't matter when you started liking it, it's how committed you are that matters but the thing is... is that I was just kind of there for most of it. Well, not everything, obviously. Age and location will forever be something I'll begrudge the universe for for being such a huge restriction but I made do with what I had. And what I didn't have was time. 

So it's like I look around me and sure, sure you love Harry Potter, sure. I believe that because I really truly don't believe you can read the book properly, sincerely and not fall in love with that black hole of a series. But at the same time, I just feel so disconnected from it all, to be surrounded by these people who got into the game late, who knows the ins and out of fandom but don't know what used to be the ins and outs of fandom and that's why I hate my life even more. 

Because you're all excited and happy and Pottermore this and Pottermore that and I'm just here like, I really can't. Honestly? My honest opinion on Pottermore? I think it's great that this is going to be a Potter experience the latecomers will get to enjoy and it does prolong the entire thing but... I can't help but think that leaving the fandom in the hands of the actual fans is kind of... well, destructive. I can't help but think that once things start running, it's going to start blowing up. And it ended on such a high, such a perfect, perfect high that I really don't want something as trivial as an online interactive experience to ruin it all. 

Because you're all counting down the days and buying the tickets and you know how the story goes, but I'm just here and I haven't watched the trailer, or the sneak peaks or any of the TV spots. I can't help thinking that those people who leak these things are just like most of the people I know: you just don't get it. I really just can't with the whole thing. 

Everyone's great and it's honestly great that you guys enjoy Harry Potter but I can't enjoy you enjoying Harry Potter, if you know what I mean. Maybe it's just a form of racism on my part (or whatever you call it) because I account most if not all Malaysians into this category but whatever it is, I really just can't. You can say you've read it since you were young, you can say it has been a big part of your childhood but the thing is, the thing is, is that most of you really can't. 

Obligatory buy Dear Mr. Potter and Empire's coming issue (depends when you read this) featuring Harry Potter and also, I was going to talk about portkey.org (which, by the way, God knows why I hung out there but I did - I think the forums are down so I can't really reminisce much now) but, like I said, forums are down. Whatever. Oh, go read MuggleNet's Wall of Shame or something because sometimes when I'm bored, I'd revisit that and have a laugh (which reminds me, I haven't been keeping up much with what's up over at MuggleNet nor have I kept up with MuggleCast but I truly do miss it).

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