The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Act Sincere

You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart

I don't expect you to understand. Not really. Not ever. This is like How Are You (A Redux) all over again. You know for the first time in ever, I'm not going to put all the blame on someone else's shoulders. I'm going to be mature about this because I can't chastise people if I'm causing a commotion myself. Okay. 

So I've decided on what to do now and the next course of action is simple. When I got home, I was tired, I had cried a bit so no tears were forthcoming, I just wanted to sleep, yet I had homework so I got started on that as soon as I possibly could. Which was after pacing around my room post-shower, deciding who to call. It surprises me in moments like those how truly out of options I really am. Because that's just the case. I am truly out of options. 

So I called Kai. And really, she's good at giving advice. It was just nice to hear her voice after a long time even if it was just for a few minutes. And she always has this amazing habit of turning the conversation around towards her, something I've always known how to do but never had the guts to. Anyways, about the advice, they were sound. Good at giving them, kind of horrible at taking them herself. I guess it was the right choice.

Three cheers for nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing today because everything's terrible right now. I can't even enjoy a proper conversation with a person anymore. 

This is your last chance, I swear. You weren't there last year. Prove me wrong. Please.

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