The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, June 17, 2011

A to B

"Ah fuck 'em effie just fuck em all!!!"
- I just really like Ellie.

Anyways, this is going to be quick because keeping in mind what I've been mulling over for the past few days, I'm still on that topic. You know. The topic of doom. When I was younger, my parents used to tell me that I wasn't like everyone else because I think a little bit too much. And that's both a blessing and a curse, of course, because during exams, I start to over think things and then it just goes haywire from there. 

But what I'm getting at is that I remember during prefects camp after the whole Saturday night/Sunday morning fiasco, after we hugged each other in the circle and started singing and dancing and stuff, I remember everyone looking so darn happy and then I look up front and Jing Ming was all smiling but then suddenly it was like a switch was flipped and she stopped smiling altogether. 

So yeah. After that I just couldn't be happy anymore. Because people thought - or maybe they just chose to believe - that the worst was over, but it wasn't. "The worst" is a weird concept. Once it passes, it's had such a big impact that you can't exactly say it'll blow over completely. And you can't exactly say that there's not going to be another "worst" thing that's bound to happen. It's improbable. 

Maybe I resent all that I have. Maybe I want to conform once in a while and start to think like everyone else. But for the moment, fact remains that people who think are sadder than people who don't. That is like, the lesson of the year or something. 

It Gets Better.

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