The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

you never do what i tell you to, you never do what i say

I have a splitting headache and I'm still trying my damnedest to study because this matters to me. Or it should. Or it actually does but it's buried so deep, I don't really feel it. Exam is on Friday and I'm not ready. Last Monday, Labor Day hols, I just kept saying to myself, "It's only Monday" and that continued until Friday, when I actually snapped out of it after reading one of the most honest to God perverted fanfiction I've ever read and got depressed as well and my life was living shit the past week because of the dreams oh my fucking God. The fucking dreams.

I literally had one in which she said "hey, I hate this school and all but it's worth it to see you".

So regardless of food and book browsing on Friday (and ice-cream) I was still down in the dumps. But then yesterday happened and Kai texted me and I literally sent out "I feel like I don't even know you anymore" but it was meant as a joke, obviously, because I am not that forward and I was gonna add some other things to lighten the mood but accidentally sent the text as it was, no punctuation. But anyways, yes, and that night I had no dreams at all and I woke up this morning and did a dance of catharsis.

Also, she told me that she told her boyfriend that I should meet him someday. Also, Helena has been writing some really downright pornographic poetry regarding James. Well, that's her bi-curious stage down the drain. Also, Maze is here!


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