The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Need You So Much Closer

Hey, I had a dream about you yesterday. I really miss you. 

Backspace, backspace, backspace. Go Back. Do you want to save this message as a draft? No. 

Hi are you busy? Can I call you right now? 

Backspace, backspace, backspace. Never mind. 

Thank you for making a promise we both know you're not going to keep and at the same time, you can thank me for doing the same. Since I'm really confused right now, let me just try to list out what I want. 
  • I want to be the best. 
  • I want it to go away. 
  • I want you to go away. 
  • Or maybe not, really, I just want whatever it is I feel for you to go away. 
  • I want to get over D. And I want my heart to stop beating erratically every time I think about D. And H. And T. I just want to forget about all of them. 
  • I want to rest for like two seconds. 
  • But to be honest I actually have no clue what I want.  

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