The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

I'll Be Your Number One With A Bullet

It's not that I don't know people come and go, it's more of the fact that the reality of it is pretty much unavoidable. It's like this: nobody's ever stayed that long in my life. I've had best friends before, sure, and they come and go, and I've gotten close to a lot of people, sure, but they, too, enter and exit as they please. I can't control people and really I have no rights to do so anyways so all I ever care about is the fact that they won't forget me after they leave.

It's a lot to ask for, definitely, but like I've been told before, not only am I a class A drama queen, I hold grudges and latch onto memories like a leech and I won't let go until I've sucked out all I could have stood to gain from them. I know that forgetting people is all part of life but I really do milk it for all its worth, squeeze the shit out of it until I can't remember shit. And I know not a lot of people do this because, honestly, people these days, they have the attention span of Hollywood.

I can't say I'm hurt that for the past few years, more and more people have been coming and going and I can't say I'm all that sad either. I'm more sad to see some people go than others, sure, but mostly because I think there's still some unresolved things to... resolve. Afreena and my story ended years ago. This is as suitable an ending as any.

I also can't say why I've had Fall Out Boy songs stuck in my head all day long.

Pictures later. Party was a success. After was tiring and, well, I'd rather not talk about it actually. 

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