The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Faces of Change

Pick and throw, fling it across the room. It hits the lamp and sends it toppling down, cords and wires getting tangling up. The lights flicker shut, a sheet of light between the crack in the curtains. You slide onto the floor and look at yourself in the mirror, reflecting only the top half of your face. Your eyes hurt, your nose hurts. Who ruined you?
“Okay, now I know you're drunk. We promised never to bring religion into this-“
“Yeah well I guess that there just comes a time when you have to look in the mirror and realize that you're living a lie-“
“You don't understand a single-“
“And I might never! And I don't care either way because from where I stand, it just looks like you're in so much denial. You're scared, and you always will be scared.”
“Don't make this about you and me. I'm not going to hell for you.”
They're the faces of change, the people you read about in the newspapers. When lines are blurred and people are accepting, when you realize the rules haven't changed a bit but the people have. Turn the page, read it all, they're telling you that things are all right. In what context is all right exactly? 

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