The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Right Is Wrong

I can't really write right now without seeming incoherent so I don't know. Most probably this won't be the most eloquent post ever. 

I just want to say that the amount of bullshit I've had to deal with on a day to day basis - it really is unfair. And what's more, I have school to deal with as well. Now, it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me if the entire purpose of school is education and entirely education. I enjoy learning. It's a bright spot to an otherwise damp day but all that other crap? Specifically crap about building well rounded citizens? 

I'm going to break this down as gently as I possibly can. The only reason the school's placed heavy emphasis on building well rounded characters out of students is either because a) too many people as of today suck as it already is and they're shaking more and more in their boots that the future generation's not going to make it. I mean, as it stands, crime rates around here are through the roof. No matter how much it has receded since whenever, it's still terrible. Maybe not an all time high, but still despicably terrible. And b) I've always had this idea that the government is trying to brainwash us. I mean, I can't speak for other countries, of course, I have absolutely no rights, but from where I stand, what with the bull and crap we're taught on a day to day basis (i.e. the ridiculous excuse for an English curriculum), it sure seems like brainwashing to me. Coursework to help those who need the boost in PMR marks? More like coursework to instill love and belief within students of this country to show who's boss. 

I'm sorry, I'm sort of breaking away from what I originally intended to talk about here. Basically, what I wanted to say is 
  1. that I don't care what kind of person you think I am, I just don't agree. Sports for fitness? Sure. Sports by having kids run 5km up and down hills for the sake of cross country? Sure, why not? It's being done all over the country. Sports as a mandatory requirement? I know that it's like this all over the world, I get it, I just can't help but question why because if I were ruling the world, the physical education system would be changed to fit each individual's actual requirement. Just like it isn't fair to pit a bunch of geniuses with a bunch of less than intelligent students, it's also unfair, in a single PE class, to put together people who are good in sports and people who are not. See, I'm being reasonable. I'm not yelling at people to abolish PE class instantly. I'm just saying that it's ridiculous, the way they're doing it right now. 
  2. there wouldn't be this pressing need to create all rounded students if everyone weren't so dumb and went around smoking and doing drugs and racing motorcycles at the dead of night. If everyone could learn to differentiate between stupid and not stupid. If everyone had, instead of focusing on conforming and losing to peer pressure, taught themselves how to be educated. 
  3. those well rounded characters you've built up, schools? Well, yeah, I hope you know that most of those are just facades. I'm not saying everyone sucks, I'm just saying that I know a very select few genuinely sweet people and those others are honestly just jerks. They can be the smartest or and prettiest or the person who's won ten thousand medals and a gazillion trophies, it doesn't matter, because their personalities suck.
And since I can't write properly, here's a bullet list of things that have been bothering me and will continue to bother me until I come to a satisfactory conclusion or I die.
  • I can't really differentiate anything right now. 
  • And it's unfair for me to have to figure this whole thing out. I mean, I know I'm not the best person on the face of the planet but why couldn't it be Nisa or, I don't know, Lana, or something? 
  • It's like this: I look and I look and I just look and I can't find anything wrong and that? That's wrong. 
  • And I listen to like ten thousand things a day that tells me it's wrong and I double back, double check, look again. Still wrong. 
  • I don't understand how some people could have it so easy. How it's not even a conflict to some people and yet for me, it's the biggest hurdle I'll probably ever have to face. 
  • My Dad told me that I have this special quality of always being able to see two sides of a discussion. Top notch for being a mediator (too bad about the whole apathy thing, though). A little sucky for being a debater. Maybe that's why, you know. Like, I can see how absolutely, irrevocably wrong it is to usurp power from those who truly deserve it and to ruin countless lives in the process but at the same time, power's power and money's money. I know that given the opportunity, I would think more than twice. 

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