The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, March 25, 2011


I am so embarrassed I wrote this, I didn't even want to publish it at all. I just feel obligated to write, as I always do, because I want to document every single moment of my life. I'll probably write something more coherent in my private blog tomorrow. To be honest, today was an emotionally and physically taxing day (plus, orthodontist appointment! Back to eating soup for three days) and so many things happened that I don't really feel like talking about. I feel like I should be doing more, saying more, being more to all these different people but so far, I can't be fucked at all.

But no, no chance in hell. I'm going to do what I want to do because contrary to popular belief, it's my life I'm leading. As an apology for how seriously stupid this post is (it's 3.26 right now), here, have a really nice .gif of legs and shit!

Honestly? I know I say this a lot but I think today I really mean it when I say that it has been both the best and worst day of my life. Since my memory is not perfect as can be and there's probably some other day locked in the back of my head, I'll go ahead and say that it's the best and worst day of my life this year.

Yesterday was something I'd like to call nearly flawless, despite the fact that I was fasting. Unlike the unfortunate time Nisa had with fasting on Wednesday - in which she accidentally ate a plateful during recess, and later on a piece of chocolate, only to realize it when she's talking to Alisya and me - mine went a little more smoothly, with only a minor glitch involving chewing gum. My schedule, as per usual, is kind of crazy confusing, so I'm probably wasting so much of my parents' money for petrol and their time, as well, because I kept traveling back and forth between places. But I can't help that Aladdin is today and I can't help that I was fasting yesterday and also I can't help that my mother had two meetings she had to attend so my orthodontist appointment was pushed up to today. I can't help all of that. All of that, of course, promises some (if not a lot) excitement for Friday (we so excited!). Plus, MGMT, which I forgot to mention in the chaos that is my Friday schedule up there.

Not my fault, as I said, but everything after school aside, I really was hoping to get a nice, chill, lax day at school. Two confirmed free periods? A+! I am a little disappointed that the week's ended and the results are still not up yet and I have no clue whether I schooled everyone's asses or whether some prick schooled mine (I am aware of Jing Kai and Esther both maintaining four flats) and that's just putting me in a position of confusion and sadness. But that's not really important. I went to school and it wasn't raining but it had been raining so the plants outside my house were wet and me, being me, had printed out the letter for not attending house practice on Tuesday this very morning and I sort of got the thing wet. But that wasn't the bad part, of course not! I accidentally tore the paper as well! We so excited! And then we had a fire drill, of all things. I'm still trying to forget that because I kind of got claustrophobic and I was just wondering what people would do to me if I started flailing my arms around and just went ape shit. For the last recess I'm going to be enjoying for a fortnight, it was a letdown. Happy birthday, Lana and all of that, but for the sake of keeping things running with continuity on my blog, I don't give a flying fuck. But other than that? Everything was kind of nice, actually. Making the lamest, most offensive jokes possible with Nisa, talking with her about our future houses (she will talk about houses, just not weddings - oh, well, only you, Hanna!), spending equal time with a friend from each category (I got Nadiah for a while during fire drill, Pri and Divyia as well during class, a little of most of my friends in class, Violet at the end of the day, Elia after prefects, some other people at the canteen after that and all that). I won't say the bad balanced out the good. I'd say when it was bad, it was really bad. When it was good, it was so good.

It's actually almost 3 in the morning right now and I don't know what I'm doing actually because I have road-run tomorrow, fucking hell, and you can tell I kind of need coffee because I am starting to say fuck a lot. I fell down twice today, flat on my butt, because apparently, that's the kind of person I am. Butt/Floor is my OTP, for sure. First was after Drama when I was attempting a high kick. Nope. Flat on my butt. It didn't hurt a wince and I wanted to do it again, actually, but someone said that they broke a bone doing that once so never mind. And then on the way to MGMT when I was walking with Maze and everyone, I tripped on a stone and fell. I was wearing super high heels so I was probably asking for it.

Also, um, I kind of want to rant but I don't have the energy. I am so tired. When I got to Helena's (because I'm sleeping over as we speak), I had the smart idea of practicing for tomorrow so I jogged five kilometers nonstop on her treadmill. And then we did some other shit.

Oh, my God, American Idol, what is wrong with you? By the way, I'll probably not talk about MGMT because I don't like to. As with every kind of rushed and 'What, I was there? Was I really there?' occasions in my life, I can't remember much and the few things that I do, I kind of like to keep it in my brain to blend it in my brain blender with all other trippy memories to create one super tripping trippy trip. Well, that kills everything; trip doesn't even look like a word anymore.

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