The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

lay the young blue bodies with the old red violets

Feel so sad and anxious and worried and above all, hopelessly lost, but I don't know what I'm scared of. So I'll stop for a minute and sort it out, and think of the reason as to why I'm feeling this way but then I figure out that that reason is something that's beyond my control. And yet I'm still scared, and yet there's never going to be anything at all that I can do to speed up the process or fix it because it's a hundred percent out of my hands. But still. Scared.

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