The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Have A Cry

I have been in a very crass mood lately. Mostly it's because I can just feel the time running out. Holidays will officially be over in a matter of three days (not including today) and that just makes me feel so depressed. There's still a lot to do. Still have lots to study for. And once again, it being the first test I'm going to be taking in 3F, I am scared shitless. There is Santralega, whose tremendous drop at the end of last year I can count on not to be repeated again. There's Esther, who, let's face it, is an even bigger freak than I am. There's Alisya who seems to be studying every time I turn my head to look at her (and that's freaky).And there's the rest of the class who, while admittedly not all of them possess the necessary skills and strength of mind to beat the ever formidable me, are still pretty scary collectively. 

And then there's my whole grade point average to think about. Now that there's that new rule for Ringkasan, I really don't see why I can't get an A for BM. I guess the PMR marking standards were quite lenient when it came to BM last year because even the people whom I didn't expect to get an A in BM still got those straight fucking A's. But I can't count on that because the number of probable scenarios are way beyond me. 

I hate talking like this. So yesterday, without much ado, I woke up really early, got dressed and downloaded a few stuff on the Internet before Nisa came by and my Dad sent both of us to Afreena's house. We went to Midvalley to watch The Green Hornet (which I had done on Sunday with my sister but I got a massive stomach ache that day and was thus unable to fully enjoy myself - however, I did get EW that weekend so it was a great day, all in all). Also, I wore the exact same thing I did on Sunday. The whole day was really not much of an 'ado'. We were there super early (at 10 or so) and most of the shops weren't open yet so went to Gardens and hung around Borders for a while. We ended up watching the movie at GSC, anyways, because Nisa was on a money diet. After the movie, we went to MPH and had lunch and walked around a bit before my Dad came to pick us up. 

One very freaky incident with a waiter of a small cafe later, and we were on our way to Raihan's. Both Afreena and I had texted Raihan the night before to tell her we were going to go out. She only replied to me right before I went to sleep and because I wasn't in the mood and was just hoping Afreena would take care of everything, I decided to ignore it. Right before we entered MPH, Raihan actually called or texted or something asking when we were going to go out. Poor soul. So we decided to go to her house. 

Raihan's house was baking (terrible, horrible, disgusting) blueberry muffins that tasted kind of like poison (I think I can still smell it if I concentrate hard enough - Raihan was hilarious, though; I don't think she's ever baked in her life, or at least not for a while), talking about the special acceptance club or whatever it was we had going on (on Hairy, Libby, Bitchy [Messy was too nice a name] and... well, we still haven't really settled on a name for Raihan - mostly because she wouldn't admit to anything worth admitting about - but somewhere along the way, Fatty and V. Jay Jay were discussed), watching some Korean drama Afreena had bought a DVD of (don't even ask about that), and later on, punching in random numbers and prank calling people. 

I accidentally left my glasses at Raihan's house and that was the most panicky I have gotten this year because I had recently lost my glasses at school (I think I've talked about this) and my Dad recently bought me this really crappy one from a somewhat really crappy store and I can't afford to lose this one for at least two years and I was already planning saving up two hundred dollars and calling up my sister to get her to take me to an opto-whatever eye doctors are called and by the way, can you believe this is one sentence? 

Good day all in all and then that night, returned to the madness that is my Internet. 

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