The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

and we keep running, searching, falling, pouring out our bones

The good parts: There's never going to be anyone else. That's what I realized last night. It's always been you, and it's always going to be you. You're the person who's going to get me every single time, you're the person I can always count on, you're the one person in the entire world whose ever going to make me feel this way. Just you.

The bad parts: We can kiss and we can joke and we can flirt but neither of us are willing to compromise our sanity for each other. What we mean to one another is something huge, something so special I can barely even understand on some days but what we aren't... we aren't willing to just put down everything to help the other. Feelings aside, we're not much.

The good parts: That you can make me feel happy just with a smile or just with the sound of your voice or just with a simple text is amazing and beautiful and you're beautiful and there are so many things I want to say to you, so many things I want to do to you and do with you but at the end of the day, I am and will always be thoroughly confused.

The bad parts: Neither of us know anything, not really. I don't know anything about you and I highly doubt you have even an inkling of what I feel for you so past this, we're not moving. We're not going anywhere.

The good parts: You will always be there for me and I will always love you no matter what. Circumstances and differences in opinions, none of that matters when it comes to you because you're the best friend I have always wanted and you're the best friend that will never go away.

The bad parts: You're just the best friend and it hurts a lot to think that I want more out of my non-existent relationship with those two up there than what I want out of you. Maybe it's because I've already had everything I ever wanted when it concerns you.

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