The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Stones and Sticks

The reason I haven't been updating lately is because I just don't have the fucking time. I am staying back everyday but Thursday and I know I keep making excuse after shitty excuse about why I have stopped studying (as with most things, I was right - the whole studying frenzy lasted only until extra-curriculars kicked in) but I am going to try my hardest to devise something reasonable during the Chinese New Year holidays. Next week will be the last week of school for January. Fuck, time. It's unfair. You always play these games with me. I'm just going to try and recall what we did for... 

Actually, I can't remember anything. When I get home from school at around 4 (and in the case of Tuesdays, around 6), I just fall dead asleep until 7 and then do my homework at night. This is why I decided to forgo the stupid seminar tomorrow. I like successful people and I want to be one, but I highly doubt going to a dumb six hour seminar and listening to all those dumb six hour speeches would do me any good. Well, it might. It might even do me a lot of good. But damn it, I want my pancakes. So that's what I'm doing tomorrow instead: going to eat pancakes with my sister. I should really learn how to make them. 

On Thursday, we were off school and I went out and bought cheapo blank t-shirts because lately, I've been scribbling stuff on my old blank tees with the black fabric paint I have leftover from when I painted my pencil box black. And then I spent the rest of the day finishing up Brave New World (I... recommend it? But I seriously don't think any of you would really like to read it) but now I'm reading Brave New World Revisited (which was included at the back of the book, making it twice as thick). I'm really excited because it finally seems like I'm making some headway in the reading department. Some people have read probably like seven books in the New Year already and I've only got one on my list. Two, technically, but I'm not counting Brave New World in yet. 

Also of some point of interest, I haven't been watching a lot of TV shows lately. So tomorrow I'm just going to catch up on Skins US and all the Skins news and be up to date and then I'll probably forget about it until they air the final episode of the season. Skins community just hasn't been interesting me much lately. The only thing that made the Skins fandom for me last time around were all the Cook and Naomily fans (and before that, the Sid/Cassie fans) and I'm way in over my head as it is what with my workload, I don't really think I care much to get reacquainted with the fandom.

The World I Leave Behind was updated. I think I've established the fact that that is, to date, one of my favorite ever fanfiction in the Harry Potter fandom. Okay, maybe in the HG fandom because I think I've read something really nice that wasn't canon. However, it's always nicer to read canon - RHR and HG, especially, for me, at least, because reading canon is always... I don't know, the stories always feel stronger somehow. There are really good authors out there who could pull off pure fanon creation beautifully. All my admirations and respect for them. 

School on Friday was kind of fun, actually, but I forgot why. Apparently, Madam K thinks I dyed my hair. Again. Well this has been going on since Year 5 so I shouldn't really be surprised. I was so surprised, however, (because nobody's commented on it for, like, months) that I got giggly and super stupid and said something really crappy to her so she probably thinks I'm lying. Note to self: you have gotten rusty, Effie, and I am ashamed. Your lying skills used to be absolute! Whatever happened? 

And today was school. Weird thing is, whenever I attended Saturday school before this, I've always found myself doing a double take or muttering "It's Saturday, I should be at home," once in a while during the day but I didn't today. I guess I was just so tired. I slept really late yesterday and I think it was because I was still doing some work for Drama. I wish Hel could be there. It seems like a lot of things are changing and I really, really, really don't want Hel to be one of those. I really don't want her to go away and leave me alone. I don't want to go through what I have to go through at school for drama class, too.

In a sense, I miss Nadiah quite terribly because we haven't had a proper chance to communicate lately due to her phone being confiscated for no Goddamn reason (I hope her parents don't read the texts I sent her - I think I was high from coffee one night and started sending her some obscene song lyrics. And we talk about gay people. A lot.) And she wasn't at school today. I hung out with Zaza and Cassandra and Marina during Islamic Studies and we did our Hafazan. Other than that, I don't really remember anything from school. Oh, yes, Elia and I talked about people and their stupidity. One of my personal favorite subjects. Malaysia is a country teeming with wonderful cultures and traditions and nice jungles (plus, the food!) but if there's one thing you should get used to, it's people bumping into you and not saying sorry. Not even giving you a second glance.

I still get really strong feelings that just come screaming back at inopportune moments during class time. Like, when the teacher's just talking in front, I'll glance down at my textbook and something inside me snaps completely and I honestly feel like I'm there again. I have been dividing my time quite sensibly with Nisa and Nina and Pri and others in class. Hanging out with Nisa and Nina is weird because their humor is... just weird. Something I'm not used to anyways. 

Today, Nisa called me gay because I was joking around (as I do) and called her gay beforehand. I think she meant it more as an insult than I did, though, because of certain factors. I really can't stand it when gay is used as a synonym for something bad. 

By the way, Entertainment Weekly cover! Insert a whole lot of other exclamation points here! 

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