The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Interlude 35

What I got so far for my birthday:
  • A typewriter. 
  • Two cardigans. 
  • Two books. 
  • Two cards (from different people). 
  • Original fanfiction written by Deb. 
  • Something. 
  • Something else. 
  • Lots of love. 
The reason I'm not all Dudley about the lack of presents is because I'm not really a material girl. I mean, I don't really need anything right now. I love the typewriter, I love my new cardigans (building a collection), LOVE the books that my mother paid for (but I chose myself), I love my custom-written fanfic, ate something, watched something else and loved it and I just really, really appreciate the love. You know, the love. The stopping me in the middle of walking and tugging on my arm and pulling on my hair and jumping out of nowhere and hugging from behind and calling in the middle of the night sort of love. Happy and content, that's me.

And I'm going to persuade my bro to either buy or download the entirety of Lost on DVD for me. Because I am that weird and lazy to do it myself.

I was kind of on again off again happy today which is weird because for the most part, I stick a label on my mood and call it a day. I don't have anything for today because I was just really, really tired. 

It's good to laugh and smile. It's good to get out of reality for just a minute. But then you get forcefully thrown back into it and you can't really say you haven't been warned because fantasy is just that - fantasy, something that's not real and not reality and won't last. Isn't tangible. Isn't forever. 

I guess this is one of those days where I'm allowed to choose whether I want to be happy or not. Sadly, I'm too tired to do even that. 

This week I might have to cut back on the super mega important studying because drama class kicks in on Friday and I am going to be expectedly busy. On a level that is very close to the surface, I'm glad to be on SSS (which stands for something, something and strings, I forgot) even though it means I probably won't approach a piano anymore in my entire lifetime. I think it's going to work itself out beautifully. 

I had a really nice dream yesterday (this has something to do with the things I had already said up there) but sadly I went to school late and everything didn't go like I expected it to. I would like school if it weren't such a pain in the ass. 

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