The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Every Rose

Maybe just a short one today? For many reasons, I always feel like my writing on this blog (and elsewhere, perhaps) is just not up to my usual standards whenever I'm working on a project (i.e. one of my stories), and I currently am doing so right now so I apologize in advance because rereading through yesterday's post, I found it mildly irritating. And stupid.

A list of things I miss:
  • I actually miss piano a lot. Today, I had drama from 4 to six (it's supposed to be 3 to 6 but I came late because of the stupid prefects meeting that ran late and then I had some complications with transferring - my partner was absent - and problems with transportation, etc. etc.) and after only my favorite exercise of all time (that thing with the novels that we do that's really hard to explain), the noobs had Intro to Music (which I took last year). It was just nice listening to all of the same things I had listened to last year and a few years back when I was still playing piano a lot but now I don't do that anymore and my Dad even said that we might sell the piano (although that discussion comes and goes and in the long run, I don't think it'd be beneficial, but yeah, I mean, I don't play it anymore and neither does my sister. I use my niece's keyboard [which is fully functional and all right, surprisingly] to do arrangements and whatever else but even then, I sometimes just do a lot of guesswork in my head and pray it turns out OK. And my sister doesn't play it anymore. Not that she can if she wanted to in her present state - what with her hand being dislocated and stuff. She says her elbow still hurts). 
  • Anyways, during Intro to Music, most of us had nothing to do. Last time, someone had brought their laptop so we watched American Idol together but this week, I suggested that we do something else. So we had our first ever Tap Tap Tournament. I didn't win (shocker) (no, seriously, shocking. I am really good at it) and this is a bullet list of things I miss so I'm just going to segue into this next part really awkwardly: I'm going to miss singing. Yesterday, while changing the bands for my braces, they installed (all right, sounds weird - like installing a computer software or something) put in this anchor thing that makes it impossible for me to speak properly. Good God, I now sound like a retard. I was complaining to Divyia and Pri this morning and Divyia said that for any foreseeable plays we're going to put on in the future for drama, I can play the role of the lame person. No, she was serious about that. Lame as in medically lame. Retardedly lame. And it's such a shame, too, that I'm off choir (drama class's choir, of course) until I get this stupid thing off (probably never) because I was kind of getting better at singing. At any rate, it hardly matters - not like I was all that good before, right? 
  • Tumblr was down for like, gosh, I don't know a long time and I guess I missed that. 
  • I miss editing shit on Photoshop. I no longer have the time. 
  • Let's be honest: I no longer have the time to do any fucking thing. I should've really spent last year expanding my creative horizons and all that shit. 
  • I'm tired right now so this post is just the suckiest. 
  • Yeah, that's not even a word. 

No comments:

Post a Comment