The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

take a breath, there you heart goes

Never again will I hold you hold onto my hands really, really tightly as we laugh together at some stupid joke.
Never again will you hug me from behind as you help me on my wood shop project.
Never again will your face be close to mine.
Never again will you tell me how much you like me as a friend.
Never again will we hug.
Never again will we laugh so hard over nothing.
Never again will I sleep on the table with my head next to yours.
Never again will I hug you from out of nowhere just because I felt like it.
Never again will I smell you.
Never again will we lie down on the floor together, sleeping, while other people are so much more concerned about the classes they've gotten for next year.
Because I don't have the luxury of caring, not when it comes to you.
Because you're moving.
Because I realized that within this frame, there's you and then there's me.
If it weren't for the fact that we share the same class,
If it weren't for the fact that we're both prefects,
If it weren't for the fact that we're both in the same form and go to the same school,
There's just no way in hell we could have ever been friends.
There's no way in hell to stay friends after this.

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