The glorious and triumphant return of now-19 year old Blogger, the revival of a once-grand and dare I say influential webspace that produced daily content, and the crippling anxiety of a young woman who no longer has any time or motivation to write, and feels like any ability she had acquired in the past through repetition and sheer will alone is now slowly slipping out of her grasp. Brief history of the Blog and Blogger can be found here.

Here be personal journal entries, observations, slices of life, questions and conclusions, as well as exploration of social and political topics seen through the lens of a Malaysian Muslim, feminist, lesbian, Marxist, and horse enthusiast.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

This Is An Eco-Friendly Post

I read some of my old posts a few days back. I now realized what's been going on with my writing. First off, I'd like to start this by saying that I don't think I've lost my sense of humor - my old one - I've just developed it into something more inappropriate and sarcastic than before and maybe that type of dry humor is only effective when spoken and not written. I do like the jokey, off-hand, no-strings-attached way I used to write, though, and if I could figure out how to get back that writing style, I'd take it back in a heartbeat.

Really, though, it's more than that. I used to talk about issues that I actually cared about, from television to movies to fanfiction to people, most importantly people. Lately, though, I've just been another ordinary whiny little 14-year-old. They've made me this way. I don't know whether I stopped writing about concerns that actually pushed past boundaries and meant something to me because the shit that has been going on in my life has dramatically changed me from an over-dramatic realist into an over-dramatic drama queen or because for the first time since I started running this blog, people I actually care about are reading.

Most of my friends know about my blog and if they don't browse through it regularly, they've taken a peek at it at the very least once. And maybe it's because of that and not the change in my attitude that caused me to subconsciously only write about my feelings in over the top, cryptic posts. If the fact that I had started up a private blog didn't point squarely to that, then I don't know what does. 

So I'm going to start talking about issues again. I'm going to start being me again. Not some half-matured 14-year-old too concerned about what others thought of her (that little experiment gone wrong really did take a turn for the worst, didn't it? Luckily, it's pretty much over and done with now. I'm still talking to a few of them and in passing I smile or say hello, but for the most part, I've only hold onto a handful at most). I've got a lot of things to talk about and maybe I won't cram them up into one post but I think I'll just be talking about Eco-Carnival. 

On the subject of being Eco-friendly.

I know the Earth's in danger and all but honesty is the best policy and the thing here is that nobody really cares. I mean sure, grown-ups force themselves to care but if they look at it realistically, they'll be dead way before any super duper changes will occur in the environment (unless Doomsday comes around soon). Kids don't know anything (and don't even pretend to care) so it's probably best to teach them to live the way of the Neanderthals with a zero plastic, Styrofoam, etc. policy; recycling marathons; solar powered everything and bio-degradable everything else from a young age. They'll get used to living a sham. 

Teenagers, however, are a little tricky, but aren't they just a little tricky regarding every single issue in the world? Some genuinely care (I know of only three people who are truly genuine). Some know full well the implications of what we're doing to the Earth and baby Nature and have moments wherein they feel bad for it all and wish and will things to change but don't really contribute to much (and I am slightly embarrassed to be part of this group). The rest? They don't give a fucking damn. The latter covers more than 50%, I'm sure. They're just too busy with all the other shit going on in their lives, they don't really care about what's up with the weather and polar ice caps. 

So to say that the Eco Carnival is redundant and a waste of money would be, in itself, sort of a redundant statement. Everything the school's been going on about regarding Going Green (capital G's) is not so much for the environment as much as it is due to the pressure of being a High Performance School (from here on out referred to as HPS). They said so themselves, our school needed its own niche, something to make it stand out from other schools. The swimming pool was one idea but truly, our 'thing' is an all girls Green school. Will all the campaigns plus all the booths and fun and games we're to have tomorrow supposed to be a wake up call? No, it's not. Nobody's waking up from anything. This is just another Hari K for them (for us). Walk around and have fun, buying food and shit and putting out the aura of being a generally Green supporting community. 

As a community, I will admit to this. We are very much trying our best to help the environment. The effort is obviously there: zero Styrofoam, rain water harvesting, compost and all those other things the Eco Warriors get up to. You see it. It's for show. We don't really feel it. We don't really do the things that we do for the environment. Last time around during the Sports crazy weeks, we collected newspapers and tin cans to earn house points, not for the benefit recycling actually gives the environment. They even acknowledged Sri Amanians indifference towards the Saving the Earth movement when they said that doing certain things for Eco Carnival will land you house points. Incentive? Sure, I can go with that, but we all know that if it weren't for the fact that there was something to be gained for the individual through said Earth saving activities, no one would even care. 

So, yeah, everyone's invited to the Eco Carnival to play games and tour the school and Germans are invited and etc. They've even merged it with Open Day (no doubt to shove the whole Green School thing into our parents' faces - but saying so is merely an unprecedented assumption and one I will not repeat again). So tomorrow will be interesting and it will surely provide fun and entertainment for all involved (except for me - I can't seem to really be having any fun or enjoy myself at school, but that's only because I always feel like I'm surrounded by idiots). At the heart of it all, though, only a bunch of students are really doing this for the sake of our environment. A bunch of students and a handful of teachers. Another happy, happy day of let's play pretend. 

I'll stop here even though I've got a few more subjects to go through. I'm just so tired today. I've been tired all week. Doing nothing at school... it really makes you tired, doesn't it?

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